Yeah, that would go over so great. Hey, Ryan, boo, baby, Lemon Drop, I’m going to hook up with a bunch of dudes for the sake of our relationship. Not even using boo as a term of endearment, which I hated and Ryan didn’t, would ensure that went over well. And I was pretty gone on Ryan so that didn’t even sound very fun. Maybe if he was there too...
Oh wait. By volume, maybe Zach meant Ryan and I should practice. That sounded good in theory but…
I frowned. “Ryan and I aren’t even in the same place right now.” He actually gave me a helpful suggestion and I couldn’t even use it!
Zach gave me a pitying look. I so wasn’t carrying his bags. “Your lack of imagination is sad, but you’re very lucky to have me.” And now he wasn’t even staying on topic.
“You can tell me that as much as you want but that doesn’t mean it’s true,” I argued reflexively.
He held up a hand, then tilted his head at me. He went over to a display and held up a pair of something, just a scrap of dark material, and I couldn’t tell if it was for swimming or not. He tilted his head towards me, like he was imagining me in them. He shook his head and picked up something else that was bright red.
Oh, had we not actually changed the subject?
“You don’t have the calves for this,” he decided and put the bright red garment down. Rude. But maybe I didn’t want to wear that anyway if it wasn’t in style, colors were out or whatever.
Zach looked at something else for a second, then told me, “You probably want your boyfriend alive and this would make his head explode.” Hey, that was a compliment. Cool. That didn’t happen a ton.
He ran his thumb over what I was pretty sure was a speedo and said, “I could wear these better than you.” He was back to not complimenting me. Typical.
Before I could comment, he grabbed another pair and nodded, then tossed them to me. “How about those?”
* * *
No one could see me behind the door of the little dressing room I was in. That was the whole point of a dressing room. Privacy. Still, I felt like everyone walking around out there knew what I was doing, even though I wasn’t doing anything yet. Just staring at the clothing in my hands, wondering if I could really do this. Our awkward encounter on the night Ryan left was still hanging over me and him, so maybe we needed new memories.
Sending dirty pictures… maybe it was just crazy enough to work. That was a thing people said, so it couldn’t be wrong.
Ryan was a spaz every single day of the week. And if there was a way to be a spaz more than that, he would find it. Me, I could only handle pressure on the mound and got too in my head otherwise. This could take away some of the nerves. And Ryan was very vocal about what he called my ‘burning hotness’ so it wasn’t like he’d laugh or anything. He even tried to get me to pose in ridiculous ways while he took photos before he left but that felt too awkward. Now though…
Should I send you a sexy pic? I texted him.
I didn’t have to wait long. The answer to that is always yes. If anything, I’m mad you didn’t sooner. I had enough time to read the first message and then there was another one. And now I’m just going to be sitting here waiting for that, so much for getting things done.
Oops. No, get things done! I texted him.
Don’t tease me. There were a million emojis he sent with that, some relevant and some not.
Okay, well pretend it’s a surprise. This was something I hadn’t done before.
I wasn’t the brightest when it came to technology, so I didn’t want to accidentally send a naked picture of myself to my dad or something. Oh god, don’t think about that. I hadn’t even texted my dad recently. Ryan, Zach, and Lydia were my main contacts and I had a group chat with all our friends, along with some texts and chats dealing with the guys on the baseball team.
You could have just surprised me, Ryan texted. A simple statement, yet it radiated judgment.
I believe in consent.
Aww, babe. I waited a moment. Get naked and send me pics! Yep, I expected something like that.
I rolled my eyes. So romantic.
Less talking, more abs.
My hands skimmed across the stretchy, coarse exterior of the clothing I held for the millionth time. It was kind of terrifying but also exciting.
I thought of myself as suave. That had been back when I thought I only liked ladies. I could be charming, have fun when it didn’t matter. I forgot how it had been in the beginning when I had no experience and had been fumbling and unsure.
And that’s how it was again. Because I didn’t know how to do this with a guy. Or maybe that didn’t have much to do with it. There was pressure because Ryan wasn’t just anyone. With Ryan, everything mattered because Ryan mattered.
I hadn’t been looking for him, I hadn’t known he was what I wanted, but I found him anyway. Just because I hadn’t seen him coming didn’t mean I was ready to let him go. He was… really great.
