I kept going. “Is salt mining generally easy, so that’s why a tough day stands out? Because just put water on the salt and then it dissolves.” Oh wait. “But then that might make collecting the salt difficult.” What a conundrum. Where the hell did the word conundrum come from? So many questions.
Dad joined the conversation again. “We don’t always have to talk.”
I could work with that. “See, what I’m hearing isyoudon’t have to talk, which I like, because that gives me more time to talk.”
He opened his mouth to say something loving and agreeable, that’s my dear old dad minus the dear part, but I gasped, putting my hand over my eyes. LALALALALA, I chanted, to keep any other thoughts out. My thoughts, never one to be ignored, countered with shouting random words to break down my defenses.
OTTERS, CHALOMINE LOTION, TERRAYKI CHICKEN, SIGNIGIFANT OTHERS, AHH! LALALA—
“What’s going on?” Dad asked, sounding mildly curious but not bothered. Nothing to see here, just my son making me proud. Or making me embarrassed. Probably thinking one of the two but whichever one, he was used to it because I was great and humiliating.
“We haven’t decided on me meeting Joanne yet,” I reminded him, eyes shut tightly, hand securely in place. She was the lady Dad was dating.
Seemed like he didn’t know why that came up now as he hesitantly asked, “Would you be okay with that?”
“I think so.” I’d had a lot of time to get used to the idea. Still. “What if we decide against it?”
“Well, we’ll deal with that as it comes up,” he said sensibly. Then his tone turned dry. “After having a conversation about it where we both have our eyes open.”
“In a perfect world, sure, but life happens fast when you’re living to the max.” What was I talking about? Wait, why was I asking me? I had no idea. What I did know? We didn’t have a lot of time to discuss this further. “She’s right behind you!” I wailed, firmly keeping my eyes shut.
Meant to inform him of that in a calm, regular way and not like she was a monster in a horror movie and I was the audience member who had to shout warnings the about-to-be-dead characters couldn’t hear.
Joanne had been at the counter, probably waiting on a to-go order, and it sounded like that’s where she was when she spoke. “Oh, well, I guess I have to come over now. Wasn’t sure if I should pretend I didn’t see you.”
“We were just discussing that ourselves,” Dad said. “Ryan, open your eyes.”
Because every part of me was automatically contrary, my eyes closed even harder. “Are you sure?”
“Might as well take the opportunity, I guess,” he answered. I hesitated and he continued, “Life happens fast when you’re living to the max.”
I heard her ask what he was talking about and I opened my eyes.
She had a bit of a Faye Dunaway quality to her. That was my first thought and I couldn’t elaborate because as soon as I wondered who that even was, the picture faded. But she had long, light colored hair, a softly lined face, denim jeans, and a light-colored top. She was a few years older than him, but it didn’t bother me, something about numbers just being ages in reverse, or no, maybe I reversed that?
I wasn’t completely freaking out, but my brain was having trouble braining at the moment.
Joanne walked over, smile a little unsure, but footsteps steady as she met the situation head on.
“How did you know what she looked like?” Dad asked as she hovered at the front of our table.
Her and I had been watching each other, like fighters circling each other in a ring but hopefully less antagonistic, but now I turned to my father. “Because I know everything,” I told him promptly. Duh. “How many times do I have to tell you before you believe me? You’re missing your calling as a rodeo clown!”
“Ryan—”
As usual when met with my name said in that tone of voice, I ignored it and kept going. “You’d look good with a red nose. It would draw attention from your big ears.” I’m helping!
“He probably looked me up on Facebook,” Joanne said.
“A much less interesting if more accurate answer,” I confirmed sadly. “Curse us millennials and our technology.”
Dad looked at his girlfriend with vague offense. “Why do you have a Facebook?”
“Why don’t you? Everyone does.” She smiled at my dad. That was good or bad or something, it was all happening fast.
“I keep telling him he’s the last person in the world to not have a Facebook,” I said, that was familiar ground. “And I offer to make him one out of the goodness of my heart—"
“Maybe I don’t want everyone to associate me with whatever photoshopped image of me as a rodeo clown you come up with.” He was no fun at all.
