Yeah, I can’t do this dramatic action movie sequence. Even in my head. I want to, because Ryan’s getting into the zone, focusing on the task, and I should take over the cool narration. His weird garbage disposal voice wasn’t the only reason I knew he was doing that, that was just who Ryan was.
My plan was to narrate and then tell Ryan all my awesome narrations once we were done with this, but I quickly got distracted by watching him work. I rarely got to see him focus. He went all still and quiet, prowling around before deciding the right places to strike.
This was already awesome.
I love my boyfriend for who he is, which meant the most unstill, unquiet person in the universe. But every now and then he would calm down, and I couldn’t even enjoy it because it meant he was upset, but now he was just alert and intense.
I could see him clutch the bat tightly, even in the glow from the moon, the only light we had. His swings were hesitant at first, like he couldn’t believe we were really doing this. I almost thought he’d change his mind.
He’d hit the old chicken coop and then look around wildly, to see if anyone heard. I couldn’t even make out Mr. Jones’s house in the dark, and it was a good distance away. Plus, he barely wore his hearing aids during the day, so no way they were on him at night.
Ryan worked in the dark, and no lights came on, no police cars came rushing towards us. And God didn’t immediately point out us sinners either? I don’t know, but when Ryan looks around, he also looks up, as if someone above us might be watching.
This was totally not a stealth mission, both because we were whacking something and because Ryan kept making a low humming noise. I thought about telling him, but he might not even believe me and then even if he knew, I didn’t think he’d be able to stop it, might just get louder.
Couldn’t see him clearly but we were close enough that moonlight showed his outline. I’d hear his feet shuffle around, his throat humming and then there’d be a swing, and sometimes a gasp or a giggle or curse.
One swing got away from him, flying through the air with force and hitting the structure below him with a resoundingsmack.Just like that, the wood totally shattered under the pressure of the aluminum bat. Couldn’t see it clearly, but I could imagine his eyes widening, the look of wonder and craziness on his face, features getting excited.
He cackled wildly, and I smiled because he sounded demented. He started swinging in earnest and I joined in.
Adrenaline surged in me and I swung, connecting with the wood structure. Hearing it splinter and fall away was so satisfying, the resounding vibrations making the metal weapon pulse and send tingles up my arms. The sounds were loud in the night, obscuring everything else, but no one stormed out towards us with a shotgun, no one came to investigate.
This year was supposed to be a victory lap or something and it all got away from me. I never pictured I’d be here in the middle of the night, sneaking onto a farm and destroying something. I worked so hard to be captain, I did my best to do right by the team, and it didn’t even matter. All because I found someone who made me happy but not everyone was happy about that.
I just kept swinging at the wood, letting it all out. I let all the anger and frustration build and released it with the force my swings. It felt satisfying, even if I could hear Ryan giggle nonsensically or make explosion noises or just say “oh my god” over and over again.
When I finally let my bat down, I felt something make contact with me. I had a moment to scold myself for being stupid enough to think Ryan and a weapon and the darkness was a good idea—since when had I ever been able to provide adequate supervision when it came to Ryan—but whatever crashed into me didn’t cause me any pain.
There wasn’t a misplaced blow from the bat; it was Ryan colliding with me from behind, wrapping me up in a hug for a moment and giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he jumped away and challenged me to race him to the car.
Couldn’t see him clearly but I stopped and just smiled for a moment.
Everything Ryan did made no sense to me and came with 300% craziness and spastic gestures. This idea for senior year, to try new things, it was no different. But just because he was insane and everything in his brain was foreign to me, that didn’t mean much. Whatever he came up with, he always found a way to make it work.
I was really lucky to be along for the ride.
* * *
I laughed in the quiet of the car, punching the roof with one hand and whooping. We did it! We got away. We were driving towards Ryan’s house on the other side of town, and I had to keep taking my foot off the accelerator. I wasn’t trying to get away, to run from people who weren’t chasing us. I was just so excited, so alive.
Being captain of the baseball team? That was work. It was keeping everyone in line and meeting with coaches and leading warmups and hassle. Effort. Unlike this. Doing dumb shit with my boyfriend. It was fun. Ryan had the best ideas and now we could go make out.
This was definitely the time for heated kisses and savoring the moment.
We weresogoing to make out.
“Oh God,” Ryan wailed, voice full of despair. “We’re terrible people!” Uh oh.
I only wantedone thingand now it was in jeopardy.
“Relax,” I told him, slowing the car down even more. Everything was nice and easy. There could still be making out. We’d deescalate the situation.
“I’m a murderer!” He thunked his head on the headrest, closing his eyes and throwing a hand over his eyes.
There could still be making out. Don’t give up hope yet. Ryan was just being Ryan. Instead of deescalating, he hyper-escalated.
Ryan rolled down his window, and then put his face in the open space, letting the cool air hit him. Good. He’d come back to reality. Reality probably missed him. It had been so long since he lasted visited.
