I really did not like this saying things I already knew thing. It was a buildup. Something I didn’t know and didn’t like was coming. Part of me still hoped that wasn’t the case, hoped it could be avoided.
“Except she likes it here,” I reminded him like it could make a difference. “She enjoys being all rustic and outdoorsy.”
People discovered things about themselves as time went on. Luke hadn’t known he liked dudes and then my irresistible self became a big part of his life and things changed. Surprises weren’t always bad. Surprises occasionally brought hot, sweet boyfriends. Oh, but I hoped this surprise wasn’t like that, because I already had one of those.
“You have all the outdoorsy stuff in common with her,” I continued. Maybe me talking until the problem went away wouldn’t work, but then again, itmightwork. I could talk a lot. “You like farming and fishing and shooting. You can even have a gun again because I can be in the vicinity of a firearm without everything going terribly wrong.”
Mom got rid of his guns because she worried about them either around a child or this child named me in particular.
“That’s great—" Dad said unenthusiastically.
“And shared interests are good,” I continued. “It’s good to have stuff in common, so you don’t have to sit through a million dumb baseball games and make up an elaborate and confusing nicknaming system, so you vaguely remember the guys on the team.” That happened to a friend of mine. Named me.
“Don’t think that one’s a universal experience,” he pointed out.
“Oh, well.” Probably true. I sighed. “Things are going well. There’s no but. Come on, there isn’t.” Please. Pretty please. Beautiful please. Gorgeous please.
“We do like each other, and she does like it here,” Dad said. “But—” There it was. “But, she also really wants grandkids.”
“But she can’t control it, she said a whole thing about that.” See, I had my ownbut, which canceled out the firstbut.
“Can’t control when or if that happens, but if, when it does, well,” he shrugged, looking a little helpless and I hated it. “It’s happening. And she can move back to be closer to them, to be with the new baby.” Gently, he said, “We talked about it. We’re not, we’re not gonna keep this going if we’re not in the same place. It’s not fair to anyone.”
Crap. There it was. The problem. Or not a problem. Kid wasn’t even born yet, he or she would have plenty of opportunities eventually to create problems but just existing wasn’t one. Joanne was moving back to Washington. Guess that wasn’t great for us, for dad, but it wasn’t terrible. These things happened in life.
Sometimes life was a jerk.
“Oh. Uh,” I said when the silence stretched on and Dad waited for my reaction. “This is where I make a joke to lighten the mood.”
“Good effort.” He smiled weakly.
If at first you don’t know what to say, try, try again. Wasn’t the saying in regular cases but in Ryan cases? Totally the saying.
“Break ups happen,” I said. “There’s other sea in the fish,” I tried. “Live and learn,” I tried again. “You’re better off, don’t hate the player, or I’ll beat you up, because that’s my dad—”
That last part was just me getting confused.Don’t hate the player, hate the gamewas a saying, but then I got mad at the thought of anyone hating my dad.
“Ryan, you don’t need to make me feel better. I’ll be fine. I just wanted to keep you informed.”
Be fine. Future tense. Which meant currently not fine.
“We could eat ice cream and watch movies,” I offered. “Any movies you want.”
“That’s nice but that’s okay.” He seemed regular but with a little bit of sad. He did a pretty good job of not showing it, but I was his son, so I knew how to spot it. “Do you have something insane planned with Luke tonight?”
Always, but, “We can reschedule. I can—”
“Have a good time, not get arrested, and be home before one? Yes, you can and will do all those things,” he spoke evenly but his look told me I wouldn’t win if I tried to argue.
I debated my next move.
Dad was more of the suffer in silence type, which I could respect but didn’t like at all because Dad suffering? No thank you. But maybe he did need some time alone. When I went through my own break up—ugh, why did you have to bring that up, brain?—there was a night when I just wanted to be miserable by myself and Dad gave me my space.
Okay, I could do that. But I needed to be sure that’s what we were doing, so I offered, “You could come with me and Luke, or we could all stay here.” I briefly a pondered going on a date where the third wheel was also my dad. “It will be really weird but that’s okay. Luke’s met me before.”
“Nah, just need some time to clear my head. Need some peace and quiet.”
Oh. I saw why I might get in the way with that. Because I’m me. Still. “I can give that a shot,” I said, trying to sound optimistic. I added, “Really, we can tape my mouth shut.”
