Probably was natural to feel worried and uncertain, looking forward to the future but still scared when you had a significant other in high school. Probably normal to feel like that even if you didn’t. “Still, I feel foolish, we should just enjoy our senior year.”
“True, but we can commemorate what we have now.” There was a little smile on his face, and he didn’t jump and down like I would have, but his eyes were excited. He had something planned.
“I’m intrigued.” He had at me,Hi, I’m Luke, I’m hot and I love you.Okay, he didn’t say that, but it was implied.
Luke took my hand and started taking me somewhere. I managed not to ask if he was going to kill me.
Given that he was leading me on foot and there wasn’t a lot out here, we had to be going somewhere close by, and there were only two choices: my house or the barn. I shouldn’t be that surprised when he took me to the latter but as I still didn’t understand what was happening, it was somehow pretty shocking.
Luke went up to the loft and I followed him. Hi, Luke’s ass, you’re looking as great as ever.
“This is mainly about me wanting to do something that shows you how much you mean to me,” Luke’s mouth explained while I continued to enjoy the view of his backside.
“We’ve already had sex here,” I reminded him. Not up in the loft though, so. Not Like I would say no.
He ducked his head, bashful, and laughed. “Wasn’t what I had in mind.”
“Now it’s even worse.” Not even the view of his ass could cheer me up. No, that’s not true.
“Your dad knows this is happening,” Luke explained. “He bought me time.”
“Knew he didn’t really want to watchProject Runway.”No, Ryan, I’ve changed my mind,he said,I really like it now,he said. Oh, I was so going to remind him of this all the time always whenever he wanted to watch something else.
“He’s home and knows we’re here, so we should probably keep our clothes on,” Luke reasoned. The words made me frown even though I agreed with them. “I would definitely include sex if I could.”
“It’s not the thought that counts,” I pondered out loud. “Because the action is pretty good too but half credit.”
“Thanks.” He didn’t seem to be taking the credit system seriously, because it hadn’t previously existed, so I gave him double minus negative credit instead.
Up in the loft, Luke set up twinkle lights. I did that once too, so he’s just copying but that had been in the actual barn. He laid out a blanket, like from a picnic, it had checkered colored squares and everything, and there was a bottle of fake champagne and the doors were open so we could watch the sunset and then look at the stars. Okay, not bad.
Oh. There was also a knife. “We’re going to stab each other?” I asked. “Make a blood pact? Summon Satan?” Hmm. “Hopefully not the blood pact one.”
“Summon Satan is above blood pact?” Luke wondered, like he didn’t want to ask but couldn’t help it.
“Doing sexual things together, we already share the risks of swapping bodily fluids so that’s basically copying and not in a fun way, in a pain way.” Maybe that devil guy got a bad rap and was really fun to be around. And if not, I’d make Luke protect me.
“Okay,” he replied because it was easier than saying anything else. “Do you want to keep guessing?”
“Yes.” I resisted. “But go on.” I deserved all the credits the made-up system had to offer.
“There’s a lot of stuff I’ve done before,” he started. “With your list but also, like, I’d gone on dates, kissed, said I love you, had sex.” This was the least fun list ever.
We stood together at the entrance to the loft but hadn’t gone farther and I moved to step inside. “You don’t have to keep listing these.”
He grabbed my hand before I could move away, saying, “My point is that things still feel new with you.”
“Like it was never quite as awkward the first time?” I could at least pretend that one day I would stop asking questions I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the answer to.
“No.” He paused. “I mean, obviously,” he corrected. “What I meant was that all the stuff I’d done before? It’s not anywhere even close to the same as when I’m with you.”
It was a sweet sentiment, but I felt dumb. He didn’t even do anything wrong and now he was here trying to cheer me up and it was just a hassle.
“Thanks but really, we can just enjoy the sunset, isn’t that what you planned?”
“Ryan, I mean it. I’m trying to tell you something here. You probably already know but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to tell you.” He stared into my eyes. “With you, everything is different. How many times I’ve done something isn’t important.” His hands were steady where they held mine. “When it comes to how many times its mattered? Just with you. Every day I’m with you is a day it gets harder and harder to imagine being without you.”
“Oh.” I nodded, not profusely, just trying to take it in. Just making words or sound was progress for me at the moment.
