Oh no. I held myself back? It was all in my head. I was the problem. Again.
“This isn’t a criticism, only part of the process. The next step is letting go of the past and anything holding you back.”
He either saw the self-critical turn my thoughts had taken playing out on my face or he read my mind. Could angels read minds? If anything could, angels certainly seemed likely.
“I’m not doing this on purpose,” I explained. “I’m doing the best I can.” Frost stared at me patiently, though his eyes also seemed to see through me. I had to keep going. “It was exciting when my eyes changed, I want to see what happens next.”
Who was I trying to convince, him or myself? Ah! Did he hear that? I tried to keep my thoughts blank but still felt too exposed from his attention.
“Yes, part of me is scared,” I admitted. “Aren’t I allowed to have some doubts? I’m still participating, I’m still trying my best.”
Aaron told me I deserved to be whole. I agreed. But I felt wholebeforeall this… Well, if Frost already read my thoughts, I wasn’t confessing anything he didn’t already know by continuing. “I liked who I was before. It’s upsetting to think that person may be gone forever. All I’ve wanted these past months is...” I forcibly stopped myself, not intending to spill quite that much.
Damn, he was good. What mysterious powers compelled me to speak the truth?
“What did you do to me?” I demanded, unable to stop the curiosity any longer.
Frost blinked. “Absolutely nothing.”
Oh. Oops… Convinced he’d just read my mind if I stayed quiet, I started talking. Yet only the power of suggestion compelled me, not anything he did. Did that mean I wanted to talk?
"It’s true, you will change,” Frost said. “But hasn’t it become clear that staying the same isn’t an option either? All people change. The good ones grow. Why hang onto something that’s already gone?"
“I liked who I was before,” I repeated quietly. “All I’ve wanted since my car accident is to go back to normal, go back to how I was. Even if that’s not possible, I can’t help longing for that anyway."
Who was he to encourage change anyway? He barely moved an inch during this whole conversation, except to open his mouth and speak.
As if he heard the thought, he walked over to the office window and looked out.
“I’ve been to those places,” Frost said. “Where everything you are and can be is already set, where people no longer need time. There’s no need to move, to act, and risk ruining what has already been deemed perfect. Even when things do happen, everything still seems frozen in place. It’s not living, merely existing.”
For a moment he stared at the outside world like it was a beautiful view. "Here, things happen. Life gets better or worse, it moves, it always moves. And that’s what brings hope, progress, love, change, and anything else worth having."
Seeing over his shoulder, it was only a parking garage across the street.
“O-okay, t-thanks.”
"And if all else fails, ask yourself this. Is what you stand to lose really more valuable than all you’ve gained?”
Chase’s warm eyes and playful smile were the first images to cross my mind. Then I remembered the awe of smelling an emotion, a whole supernatural world out there to uncover…
Frost left me with so much to think about that by the time I thought about trying to find Aaron or Chase, only then did I look around and find myself essentially wandering the building. Aaron didn’t respond when I sent a quick text, so I headed towards the parking garage to see if his car was still there.
No going back meant no living life as a human anymore.. But everything seemed so simple and normal then. I longed to go back—huh.
My visit with my father had given me information after all. Not about the suppression itself but the people casting it.
A shiver ran down my spine imagining how the arrangement was made. My parents were desperate and terrified enough they thought they had no choice but to rely on people so intent on getting paid they wouldn’t even let my parents offer themselves as collateral. A parent might decide they were expendable so long as a child was safe. If the child themselves was the collateral, the parents wouldn’t rest until handing over the final payment.
The idyllic past I wished to return to wasn’t so idyllic after all.
But everything the shifter side brought with it so far was fraught with peril and the people I inherited it from were no better. They’d stalked my mother, threatened her, and drove her away from her home.
How did I trust the fox when it came from them? How did I know it was going to be okay?
“Well, hello there.”
“Whoa! Oh, sorry.”
