"Hodge got spooked after running into you. He never made it to our meeting."
No, no, no. Everything in me went cold. Much as I longed to defend myself or deny giving anything away, the words weren’t coming. Even if there were another explanation, even if Hodge running had nothing to do with me, I wasn’t exactly in the right. I shouldn’t have engaged him in the first place or let him get to me. l shouldn’t have lost my cool.
“Hodge has known about this possibility since we apprehended Shroud,” Merritt said. “He’s been on guard, looking for any indication. One wrong move, even something small, could set him off. You did know we were moving ahead."
"I suspected but—"
“You slept with Milton, didn’t you?” He dropped in the loaded question so matter of factly, gaze so weary and loaded.
Two choices were available: lie or tell the truth.
“Y-yeah,” I answered, bracing myself for apoplectic fury—
Merritt rubbed a hand over his face. "Huh."
"That’s all you have to say about it?"
"Yep."
Merritt had few weaknesses. Tough as nails, never let feelings cloud his judgement. But I was his flesh and blood, a weak link to get at the stronger predator. And worse, it worked.
Hodge carefully set the stage, goaded me, and I fell for it.
Sniffing around Lucas was all it took, and despite my better judgement, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do anything differently now. Merritt had been right, my instincts were so strong when it came to him and instead of removing myself from his case I was too damn selfish or cocky and now…
"Merritt, I don’t think—I didn’t mean to—it doesn’t matter.” I still didn’t deserve to defend myself. “I shouldn’t have…I shouldn’t have done a lot of things.” Only one thing to do now. “So hit me with it. Scream, yell, come on."
"I’m not going to yell at you."
"I deserve it."
Merritt only sighed. This… this never happened before. There was no storm coming, only calm. A calm that seemed more like resignation than actual calm. I’d never seen him look so defeated. And it wasn’t really Hodge that bested him. It was me. The worst of me getting the better of him.
“I’m leaving tonight,” Merritt said. “That’s what I brought you in to tell you.”
How many times could the floor drop from under my feet in one conversation? "Leave?” I echoed. “You can’t leave. You’re the director."
"Nobody knows the case like me. I can’t have anyone else assume the risk when—"
"When what? It’s your mistake? No, it’s my mess, you aren’t responsible—"
"I’m responsible for everybody here and you, I’ve always been responsible for you." The words were a knife in my heart and he just looked so damn tired. "We can talk later. I gotta, shit, gotta tell Aaron.”
"S-sorry, Merritt, I’m sorry." The words were of no comfort to anybody.
I screwed up and hadn’t been thinking about the mess I’d leave behind for Merritt to clean up. It usually happened in our personal life. At work, I was supposed to be one of his senior agents, somebody he’d depend on. Instead I was what I’d always been: his stupid little brother.
This… this was a lesson, one it was about damn time I learned. I had to be smart and do whatever it took to protect the people I lov—to protect the people I cared about. Even if I needed to protect them from me.
~
Lucas
Colors flashed on the TV screen. People talked about needing a prom date or the big game or something, a movie playing while I paid no attention.
A key sliding into the lock and turning had me sitting up on the futon. I ran a nervous hand through my hair, not sure what to expect. He left in such a hurry. Hopefully everyone was alright.
Chase froze in his doorway, staring at me. “You’re still here.”
