My goal was moving forward in all the ways.
Trusting the fox, being willing to find out whether I could trust the fox, probably wouldn’t happen overnight, no matter what else was going on that needed me to shift. But sometimes life surprised you. I stopped walking mid stride. Something nudged at me, an awareness, an intuition.
Feeling too exposed on a main street, I turned onto a more secluded area.
I tried to listen to the message and raised my head to see my reflection in an empty store window. My eyes were glowing. That was the first time I saw any indicator of the fox in me, really saw it, not just the glow.
Huh, Chase was right. The red eyes weren’t scary. Not really, not once I knew where they came from…
And that’s when everything changed. I remembered. I’d seen this before. The memory hit me.
Driving down the road on a not particularly interesting stretch of my journey, a stupid pop song playing, and there in the street…nothing. Nothing was there.
Nothing tangible. Just a strange light, coming from seemingly nowhere. A force in my body reacted severely at the thought of colliding with that dark red light. Even though it was only light.
Something in me understood the light meant very bad news and… reacted. The images blurred by so fast, I almost thought I leaped out my car window. No. I moved with impossible speed, unbuckling my seatbelt, forcing the door open, and leaping out all in only a second or two, barely feeling the impact as my body collided with ground and the road scratched up my skin.
I had to raise my head and watch as the car smashed into the light like a brick wall.
What I hadn’t known then became clear now. Someone intended to incapacitate me then. My family had created a trap that allowed one to pass through, but not leave, if they were shifters. This light didn’t let anything pass. Later, with the red light gone and the car neatly in the tree, no evidence of foul play remained. Maybe they would have cleaned up the whole thing, car and all when they snatched me, who knows. They never received the chance because I escaped the crash.
Drawn forward, the red light still there for the time being, I went to inspect the car and the strange red force that totaled it. That was when I saw my reflection in the glass of the driver’s side door.
The first time I truly saw evidence of my fox side.
The fox saved me but all I saw was an impossible face where mine should be. Not understanding, it shook me to the core.
It was me but also not me. I turned and ran into the forest without thought, not paying attention, just trying to flee. I fell down a drop off, hit my head, and blacked out. When I woke, the canopy of trees over me were the first sight I saw, and the stranger parts of the incident were trapped in my mind, locked away from me.
They said I was lucky to be thrown such a distance and survive, especially when only suffering injuries that healed just fine with time. The first thing I ever did as a fox was summon enough strength to burst free and save myself. The doubts, the lingering suppression, that’s what caused trouble. Not the fox. I could trust it. Because when really in trouble, it rose above the binding and broke free, it saved me.
The fox never meant any harm, it helped me, and there wasn’t anything to be scared of. It was just… me. A part of me I hadn’t known existed but nevertheless was as real and true as the rest. This was me.
Oh. No great fanfare accompanied the moment, no lock sliding into a key or pieces slotting together just right. I just stood there on the sidewalk gawking. But something released, a weight off my shoulders. I felt… peace. Whole. I was wh—
"Lucas!"
"Oh! Hey, Jack.” Apparently my cousin tracked me down and now stood in front of me. “What—are you alright?"
"Sorry," he panted, struggling for breath. How far did he run to find me? “I really am sorry.”
"What, what are you talking about?"
"Y-you, y-you’re different,” he wheezed. “And family, you’re not…"
So much for a clean slate. "You came all this way to tell me that?"
He tilted his head at me. "What, is it true?"
“What? Jack—"
“Whatever.” Jack shook his head, arms seizing onto my shoulders urgently. "They-they just offered so much money. Money foryou."
"H-huh?"Ohno, said a voice in the back of my head.Oh no.I was getting that feeling of danger again.
"Doesn’t matter,” Jack said. “Hurry, I’ll buy as much time as I can."
"What?" Now me and the voices in my head were confused.
