I enjoyed art and macaroni. Even as days passed, I wasn’t ready to expand beyond a few favorites yet, which made sense. My world had been so small before. Every day involved the same concrete slab of floor and blank walls, the same dark basement. Compared to that, the city streets of Ashvale gave me a headache. Going from no choices to all is overwhelming.
“Or,” Temple said when I shared this theory. “You’re just a stubborn bastard.”
“Just for that,” I decided, “We’re eating at the same place tomorrow too.”
“We werealwaysgoing to be eating there tomorrow.”
“Just for that,” I lied.
Everything had shifted since we decided not to focus on what I was or who I used to be. Instead we were figuring out me now and the whole world opened up.Iopened up. Like a flower blooming under the sun.
This metaphor brought to you by sitting out in the rehab center courtyard and looking out at the lawn and landscaping. I finished my lunch quickly, and armed with a sketch pad and colored pencils, I set off out of the courtyard and onto the lawn.
Colorful flowers smelled sweet as I dropped down on the grass near the closest decorative flowerbed, studying a purple-pink flower bursting with petals. There was no way to capture the scent with paper and colored lines. Yet Icoulddemonstrate how the light danced on the petal’s surface.
“—John? Did you hear me? Hello? John?”
Temple’s voice registered once his shadow fell over the bed and changed the colors. I looked up to see him holding out an offering.
“Do you want some chips?”
I shook my head, not falling for that again. Those were the salt and vinegar chips. Those chips wereevil.Or as close to evil as chips could be. The chips seemed like a joke that went right over my head because otherwise… why?
“Hmm.” Lysander watched me with an amused smile, like he’d been trying to get my attention for a while. “Have you thought about a name other than John?”
“You think I need a different one?”
“Maybe one that you at least recognize and respond to, even if it’s only temporary.”
Huh. He had a point. Since the rescue I’d been called John for months. It always registeredeventuallythat they meant me, but I never naturally responded to the name. ‘John’ meant absolutely nothing to me.
Except naming myself? That seemed beyond me.
“Where did you get your name?” I wondered.
“From my English professor mother. She named me after a character from one of Shakespeare’s plays.”
The author’s name sounded familiar because Temple brought me a book with several of his most famous works. “Maybe I should try reading his stuff again.”
“Eh, probably not necessary.” Temple chuckled. “I enjoyA Midsummer Night’s Dream,it’s one of his classic humorous works. But my mother hates it. It’s her least favorite Shakespeare play.”
“And she named you after a character in her least favorite play. Right, that makes sense.” Maybe he needed some therapy with Aaron to deal with those familial issues.
He smiled fondly, caught in a memory. “She always said the worst of the bard is still better than 90% of all other literature in the world.”
I wished I could draw the sight in front of me, Lysander Smiling Among the Flowers. And he definitely inherited his love of reading from his mother. Learning new things about him always put a smile on my face. This was no exception… but it didn’t really help me.
My only real options for a name… they didn’t call me ‘John,’ ‘228,’ or ‘hey you’ in the basement. There were other names available.
“Gideon,” I voiced before I even considered speaking. “Apparently that was my name when they took me. We could use that.” But it wouldn't solve anything. “Except I don’t identify with it either.”
That’s why different options were invented.
Temple ate the rest of his chips as he sat down nearby, listening without forcing the issue, leaving me free to drop it or go on. I refocused on drawing the flowers and kept going.
“People would say Gideon over and over until I realized they meant me. You’d think it would be easy to keep track of one name when I had nothing else but… there was a lot of stuff on my mind.” Like finding myself trapped in a big cage with other terrified prisoners.
“Does that mean…?” Temple broke in quietly.
