Oh. “So it worked?” I realized. “Kind of? They didn’t discover their answers, but I am bare.” They removed everything else, hoping to find the secrets underneath, until there was nothing left to remove. Just a blank slate.
“Is it, is this…” God, much as it sucked, I had to ask. “Is this permanent?”
“There’s simply no way to know,” Frost answered as gently as he was able. “Even the mages responsible have little idea what exactly they did. All I can say is they injured you, much more than they ever planned to.”
All they wanted was to produce a reaction and see what happened. Because that would give them clues about my supernatural identity. Except I wasn’t a normal case. They certainly got a reaction. And I was still suffering because of it.
“What happens now?” Temple wondered.
"In your case, awakening your supernatural side without magical assistance may be especially tricky, but we’ll have to try anyway. We must proceed carefully. Their magic has harmed you, but manifesting could heal or lessen the lingering damage.”
That made sense. Shifters had fast healing properties and other supernatural beings had other advantages that could make recovering easier.
“I believe answers to your supernatural origins, at least, are still inside you somewhere.” Frost tilted his head as he viewed me again. “Hmm. We could try something they never did.”
“What’s that?” I wondered, imagining and inventing 96 tortuous methods the Brokers hadn’t gotten around to yet, oh no…
“We ask you,” Frost said.
Oh. The simple answer stunned me, but he was right. The Brokers never tried that. They preferred to take the answers by force. Most of us didn’t know the truth and had little incentive to provide it anyway.
“I’m sorry.” I shrugged helplessly. "I don’t know."
Though his expression remained unchanged, somehow I got the feeling he regretted everything that led him to dealing with silly humans. "I don’t mean right now."
"Oh." Feeling foolish, I handed him the feather. "Uh, here you go."
"Keep it, in case you need assistance."
Well alright then. An angel stared into my soul and all I earned was another trinket to put in my wallet.Yep. That was how my life worked.
~
John
Some horrors were so horrible that you never got used to them. When Frost left us to process his evaluation, one of those horrors crept closer and closer, I could feel it. An emotional and honestconversationabout myfeelingswas coming.
Intimate conversations with Lysander about the soft squishy pieces of myself that I hid from most of the world were like…they were like what another patient at rehab described when they ran marathons. Intense and brutal yet the runner couldn’t imagine never enduring another. Running and running until you practically dropped, but as your body hit the ground, your spirit soared higher than ever because of everything you accomplished.
What they hadn’t mentioned was how scary the middle part was. I never knew if I’d make it to the end, if I’d be able to soar or if I’d drop first.
Temple kicked his leg into mine. "Are you disappointed? We didn’t find answers."
I shrugged. "I didn’t really expect it to be easy.”
Our legs hung down below us, mine swinging idly in the air. Without chairs in the nearly empty office where Frost read my soul, we sat atop the desk. We hadn’t left yet.
Yes, I was impatient for answers. But that didn’t mean I expected to find them on the first try.
I kicked Temple back. “You guys seemed more certain we’d find answers than me. Are you alright?"
"Just surprised. Frost rarely fails."
"It makes sense. The Brokers had a hell of a time identifying me already and then they kept poking around with all the careful grace you’d expect from evil kidnappers.” None at all. “Of course they screwed something up.”
Temple nodded, accepting my answer. I told him the truth anyway. It turned out that not finding answers didn’t bother me. The only thing that unsettled me was doing nothing. As long as we were trying then we had a chance at succeeding.
"When we do find the truth,” I said after a few minutes of silence. “I hope I’m something strong.” Strong enough to keep anything from hurting me ever again. The Disney/Pixar movie week on my floor gave me a lot of ideas. “Like a dragon or sea witch or a demigod. IhopeI’m a demigod… now that I say it out loud,MoanaandHerculesaren’t supernaturally accurate, are they?"
