"What, really?" I asked, shocked.
"You’re making so much progress and you justtold meabout all this progress by yourself. Seems like a big win to me." His nose didn’t grow an inch so he was telling the truth. “What do you think?”
"I-I agree, I just didn’t expect you to."
"Oh, really?"
“Yeah. I’m stronger physically. I’m discovering what I am.” The clues currently pointed to dragon. That gave us a hypothesis to test, according to Lysander. We’d either make progress or gain more information that pointed in a different direction. Either way, we were getting closer to the truth.
“Things with Temple are complicated, but I’m dealing with them. It’s all going great.” Alright, the last one didn’t sound so great, but there was a little more. “I even, I like Te—I like Lysander and he likes me.”
Aaron only nodded. "Ah."
"Ah? That’s it?"
"Everything always turns upside down when you like someone." Aaron chuckled, jotting something down on his notepad before looking up. “Is there anything else to discuss?"
Was that a trick question? Hadn’t all my breakthroughs and progress been enough? I had everything. Or was on the verge of having everything. What else was there?
This therapy session should be a cakewalk as I updated Aaron, yet my hands gripped the soft fabric of the blanket in my lap. Why had I brought my blanket along for a ridiculously easy conversation? Why did I need the support?
"I went through hell,” I said. “I went through hell, but I recovered and now I’m moving on. My life is getting so good. A guy likes me. A noble, sexyamazingman. That’s the dream, right? That’s always the dream in all those Disney movies. Someone caring about me for me and treating me right was never possible in the basement when I was supposed to go to the highest bidder. I have everything. How could I not be happy? How could I ask for more?"
"And is it all what you want?" Aaron wondered.
"Yes!” I hadn’t meant to shout. I sank down into my seat. “That’s the problem."
"It is?"
“Aaron, this isn’t just everything I wanted since my rescue. It’s better. The reality isso much betterthan anything I imagined but instead of feeling settled or excited or anything else, part of me is just… terrified,” I whispered the last word and then scowled at myself. “Why am I terrified? Freaking out about good news is stupid.”
Instead of feeling settled or accomplished I was… nervous, scared, suspicious. I still waited for the sky to fall.
"Max, your feelings—"
"No,” I interrupted. “Don’t tell me they’re valid. Notthis.This is the worst fucking thing I could be feeling."
"Why?"
"Because it’s not fair! This was everything I thought I wanted and I can’t even be happy about it? That’s so ungrateful.” Part of me wanted to hold the words back but they couldn’t be contained. “So many other people deserved this. None of them get this, all the people sold before me. They’re stuck with a rapist who bought them. They had hopes and dreams and things they wanted for their lives. It’snotokay for me to be scared or to think freedom is hard, because they deserve this and they don’t get it."
Running my hands along the softness of the blanket, I tried to calm down. Instead I thought about Rachel, the original owner of this blanket. What hell did she live through right now? What would she say if she knew life was becoming fantastic for me and I was hesitating instead of jumping into a happily ever after? She’d probably be understanding, like Aaron, or forgiving. I wasn’t nearly as forgiving or understanding.
"You’re right about one part,” Aaron said. “Everybody deserves freedom. Every one of them still stuck with a mate they didn’t choose, they absolutely do deserve to have a say in their own life again. It’s alright if it takes you a while to see the other part."
"The other part?"
"Everyone deserves freedom. Everyone includesyou. That means it’s okay to be scared or overwhelmed. Make all the faces you want but those feelings are completely valid. It doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It means you’re a person. One embarking on a new path that’s exciting and also scary. Do you hear me?"
"Yeah. I guess." I fidgeted with the blanket in my hands.
"Sometimes the feelings we don’t want need to be felt the most,” Aaron said.
"That sucks."
"Not really. Sometimes once you do confront those feelings and let yourself feel them, something amazing happens."
"What?"
