“Listen, you can tell me you have a crush on me, and I can feel however I’m feeling, but the fact is that none of that matters because you’re dating someone.” My throat tightened around the words as emotion crept into my voice. I could feel unnecessarily dramatic tears stinging the corners of my eyes, threatening to let Grey know just how much I cared. But I held them back.
Grey was oddly silent as he stared down at his lap. His hair hid his eyes, and he looked small and defeated—not something I ever would’ve thought Grey could be. “You’re right,” he said finally, his shoulders heaving. “I do have someone.”
His words hurt more than I cared to admit. But they were there, spoken in the air between us. There was no getting around the truth. It hung like a heavy cloud over the little space that separated us.
“I’m sorry,” I said. But what exactly I was sorry for, I couldn’t say. I just felt bad for upsetting him, and I wanted to make it better somehow.
He gave a wry smile. “Why are you apologizing?”
“Because I hurt your feelings,” I said before thinking to stop myself.
Grey chuckled softly. “You’re too sweet to me, Ethan.”
Warmth bloomed in my chest. I did my best to ignore it.
The sound of a phone vibrating broke our conversation. Grey pulled out his phone, frowning at the display. He put it to his ear. “Hey, Carina.”
And just like that, the warmth that had been in my chest froze over by the sound of Carina’s name. Suddenly, I needed to beveryfar from the concert hall. “I’m going to head out,” I said. “Don’t want to be late for my next class.” It was a lie. There was no next class anytime soon, but if it removed me from this situation, I would say it.
“Hold on, Carina,” Grey said. “Ethan! Wait for me. I’ll come with you.”
I didn’t listen. I was already turning, and I walked as swiftly as I could away from Grey. I felt awful for even entertaining him as long as I had. Yes, I had a crush on him. Apparently, he also had a crush on me—something that made zero sense if he was in a relationship. Whatever. I had to be stronger than a stupid crush. Otherwise, I didn’t want to know what would happen. I imagined train crashes and several small natural disasters would be less traumatic than the result of playing with my heart like I was so tempted to do. So I ran, leaving him sitting at the piano, on the phone with his girlfriend.
I spentthe rest of the day kicking myself, wishing I’d taken bigger risks that morning and not cared about the dumb girlfriend. She really wasn’t my problem. I should’ve saidfuck itand kissed him. Then I would be walking around campus with the knowledge that I had kissed Grey. Not that I would’ve feltgreatabout having done so, but the numbness in my chest weighed on me, and I just wanted it to stop.
So, I went through my day with a heavy heart and frustrated mind. Grey had some nerve encouraging me like he had. By noon, I’d decided I needed to get over my feelings for him. By thetime my three p.m. class rolled around, I’d decided that I needed a rebound to distract myself from eventhinkingabout Grey.
As I walked across campus, I began thinking over potential options, but none of the girls I knew generated anything but exhaustion when I thought about pursuing them.Should I try dating a guy?I’d never attempted that before. Maybe I would like it, even if it wasn’t Grey. At least it would be something new.
I was so lost in my thoughts that it took me a second to realize someone was calling my name. Looking around, I finally found the source. It was Piper, approaching from the school’s library.
“Hey,” I said somewhat lamely.
“You okay?” She raised her eyebrows in concern.
I shrugged. “Just school stuff. This semester is kicking my butt.”
“I know what that’s like.” She toyed with one of her backpack’s straps. “Sorry I’ve been MIA since the concert. I haven’t had much of a break.”
“It’s okay.” To be honest, I hadn’t spared her many thoughts in the intervening months since our date. “We’ve been busy.”
“Yeah.” Piper paused long enough to bite her bottom lip. She seemed to be steeling herself for something. “Hey, there’s a barn party this weekend for Halloween. I was wondering if you wanted to come with me.”
“A barn party?” I repeated. My mind went to Grey. I had those blasted feelings for him that screamed at me to turn down Piper’s invitation, that it would be wrong to lead her on. But I’d also spent the majority of my day trying to figure out ways to get over Grey. Maybe a barn party with a pretty girl would be enough of a distraction, at least for one night. I beamed at Piper. “Yeah, I’d love to go with you.”
Piper returned my smile. “Great! I’ll see you Saturday, then.”
My stomach twisted with guilt that I immediately shoved from my mind. Grey and I might have feelings for each other, but that was going nowhere while Carina remained in the picture. I owed him nothing—less than nothing, because that was what he was giving me.
“Sounds like a date,” I said.
Chapter 9
Barn Party
“Let me get this straight,” Kellan said from my bed over the biggest bowl of ice cream I’d ever seen. “You’ve spoken with Grey. Admitted your feelings for him. He’s admitted he has feelings for you. And now you’re going on a date with a girl.”
I glared up at him from trying to pick between three different outfits laid out on the floor. “It’s just a party.”
