“Is this some sort of game to you?” I demanded.
“What? Us?”
“Aren’t you listening? There is no ‘us.’ There can’t be.” I took a deep breath. “And that’s why I’m so confused. What are you getting out of playing with my emotions?”
“I’m not trying to play with anything,” Grey said, suddenly somber. “I just like being around you, and… I can’t help myself.”
“But you know what you’re doing,” I said. “It’s like you’re trying to hurt me.”
“What do you want me to do?” Grey asked. “What would the solution be?”
I blinked at him. He sounded like he genuinely meant that question. Like he would actually do whatever it was that I suggested. Part of me wondered if he would leave Carina for me.If I asked him to dump her right now, could I have him all to myself?There was no way I would do that, but the thought was there, tempting me to be selfish.
“You know, Carina and I…” Grey took a great, steadying breath before continuing. “We don’t have the relationship you think we do.”
“It’s a little hard to misinterpret her tongue down your throat.” I gave Grey a pointed look.
He grimaced. “I wish you would trust me.”
“Trust you with what?”
“My intentions. I’m not trying to hurt you.”
I frowned. “Intentions don’t always matter as much as your actions. You’re sitting here and telling me how much you like me when a few minutes ago, you were shoving your tongue down your girlfriend’s throat. That doesn’t seem like the actions of someone I should trust with my heart.”
Saying the words out loud—that it was my heart he was asking me to trust him with—was enough to suck the air from my lungs. Under the cover of the shrubs, we might as well have been the only two people in the world, and I still couldn’t trust him with the potential to seriously hurt me. I’d never been in love before, and I was pretty sure this wasn’t it now, but I could see another reality where I fell head over heels, madly, deeply in love with Grey Hyun and everything would be perfect. It just wasn’t my reality. We both had too much baggage.
The cops started clearing out now that their tickets had been written, arrests had been made, and the partiers had left. The rustling leaves became the only real noise between us.
“Do you want me to leave you alone?” Grey asked. “I will if you want me to.”
I sighed. “I don’twantyou to leave me alone.” I paused. “But I think it might be what I need. At least for now.”
Grey studied me with his wide brown eyes that looked almost gold in the strands of moonlight breaking through the trees. He seemed to be holding his breath as he processed my words.
“And if Carina weren’t in the picture?” he asked.
“Does it matter? I don’t want you to leave her for me. I can’t be the cause of you breaking up.”
“You wouldn’t be,” Grey said. “Like I said, it’s not what you think.”
“Sure, Grey,” I said. “If by some miracle, we were both actually single, I’d be okay with this… whatever this is.”
Grey was silent for a long, ponderous beat.
If he’d been about to say something, it didn’t matter, because at that exact second, his phone went off. He pulled it out and answered. I could hear a male voice talking very fast on the other end.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Dae,” Grey said. “Hold on. I’m fine. Is Carina still with you?”
More chatter across the phone. Grey nodded, though Dae—whoever that was—couldn’t see him.
“Okay the cops are gone, so you can make your way back here,” Grey said.
More talking from Dae.
“Okay. Okay. Bye.” Grey hung up.
“I guess your ride is on their way?” My mouth was still dry at the mention of Carina, but I did my best to sound playful.
