After we got ready,we checked out of the hotel. Our drive home passed by slowly as we struggled to come up with something to talk aboutotherthan the one thing I really wanted to talk about—us. The longer we drove, the more it became apparent that somewhere in the night, we’d gone from straddling the line of friendship to leaving it far behind. The problem was, in crossing that line, we’d entered a territory where our relationship, whatever we wanted to call it, was no longer compatible with the reality of our world. And that meant people were going to get hurt. I had an aching worry that I would be the one taking most of the pain.I mean, haven’t I already?
Needless to say, I was in a pretty somber mood when I reached my apartment.
No one was in the living room when I entered, and I did my best to keep as quiet as possible, hoping to sneak into my bedroom before my roommates realized I was home. It was a useless effort, as the moment the door clicked closed, Kellan and Josh appeared as if magically transported.
“How was the wedding?” Kellan asked in an almost accusatory voice.
“Oh no, what happened?” Josh chimed in, clearly registering the look on my face.
“Did he do something wrong?” Kellan demanded.
“Did he do somethingright?”
“Guys, stop,” I held up my hand. “The wedding was… nice.”
Kellan narrowed his eyes. “I don’t like the way you said that. Something happened. Spill.”
Josh gasped. “You guys didn’t—”
“No!” I said with way more force than necessary. Taking a deep breath, I spoke more calmly. “No, nothinghappened. Not really.”
Except that wasn’t true. Everything had happened. In the moments of our dancing and our lying together, our world had shifted completely. Sure, nothing sexual had happened, and with anyone else, what we’d done might not even be worth consideringsomething. But with Grey, it had been a tectonic shift.
“There’s something you’re not telling us.” It was Josh’s turn to narrow his eyes.
I grimaced. “We danced.” Then, because I couldn’t hold it in any longer: “And we went back to our hotel room, and there was only one bed, and…nothing happened.” I sighed.
“So, Grey’s still playing games with you,” Kellan said flatly.
I blinked. “No, there were no games.”
“Oh, come on.” To my surprise, it was Josh who spoke. “He has to know how you feel for him despite your whole ‘just friends’ attempt. And he obviously feels similarly. It’s just getting ridiculous at this point. Why won’t he commit to you?”
“A lot has happened to him in the past.” I hated how lame Grey’s reasoning sounded under my friends’ scrutiny. When he’d told me, it had felt like a secret he’d only dared whisper to me in the dead of night. A secret only shared with a lover. In the harsh light of day, it felt like a paper-thin excuse.
“We all have pasts,” Kellan pointed out with a frown.
Then my friends exchanged glances, and when Kellan spoke again, it was in a much gentler tone.
“It’s okay. I don’t blame you for wanting to see where this goes. Just…” He trailed off.
“We don’t want you to get hurt in the process,” Josh finished for him. “But we also realize that it’s not our job to tell you what to do. Just know we’ll be here for you, no matter what.”
Emotion welled in my eyes, and I fought to keep it down. The whole semester had been a whirlwind of new feelings and decisions that I’d never considered a possibility for me. It meant the world that my friends had stood by me and would continue to do so.
“Thanks,” I said, my voice gruff.
“Don’t be so dramatic,” Kellan said, but he and Josh threw their arms around me, and we hugged each other in one big circle.
“You’re welcome, though,” Josh said.
We all laughed.
The next weekpassed in a flurry of finals that were so intense, I almost didn’t realize that Grey hadn’t texted me since dropping me off at my place after the wedding. Almost.
Still, I didn’t reach out to him due to my own uncertainty.What had that night meant to him?I’d been so sure that something had shifted between us in the moment, but now, I couldn’t be certain. His prolonged silence only compounded my doubts. Or maybe it showed me how right I’d been. Somethinghadshifted, and that shift meant that Grey could no longer be my friend, let alone anything more.
I stayed up late most nights, willing myself to study, only to find myself lost in daydreams of what had been for the briefest of moments. Grey’s caress as we lay in that bed, the dance we’d shared. And the song he’d sung—so pointed and clearly about us.What did it all mean?
