“You and Carina ‘broke up,’” I said, hearing the quotations in my voice.
“Yes,” Grey said.
“What happened?” I asked, closely followed by, “Whendid it happen?”
“I spoke to her a few days ago,” Grey said. “Right after you came out to your parents, actually.” He studied the table, not meeting my eyes.
I bit the inside of my lip in frustration. I wanted to reach across the table and shake the answers out of him. But obviously that would be crazy. “How did that go?” I prodded.Was that why he stopped responding?That didn’t make sense. He could’ve told me before now what the hell was going on. I would’ve been supportive.
Grey shrugged. “She was concerned for my safety, of course, but she expected it was coming.”
“So, no dramatic breakup?”
He gave me a wry smile. “Not at all.”
“That’s good, I guess.” It was hard to remember they hadn’treallybeen dating this whole time. Maybe I was just having ahard time believing he wasn’t, in fact, lying to me to trick me into sleeping with him. Somehow, that felt more believable than the truth. “Why did you stop responding to my texts?”
Grey squirmed a bit in his seat. Good. “I sort of freaked out after I officially ended it.”
“Freaked out?” I repeated blankly. “Why?”
“I felt—” He hesitated, searching for the right word. “Exposed. Even though I was far from campus, it felt like I’d just painted a huge target on my back. I turned off my phone for a while.” He looked me in the eyes then, fire burning behind his own. “I’m sorry, Ethan.”
I wasn’t sure what to say.It’s okay?That was my instinctive inclination, though it was very far from okay. Still, those words were on my lips, begging to be spoken. They warred there, the enemy of my better judgment. I knew that they were the key to stopping Grey’s pain. I didn’t want him to squirm in discomfort, to not be able to meet my eyes. I wanted him to go back to the confident, almost cocky Grey that I knew and—
I stopped that thought short. I’d almost thought the wordlovein association with Grey. I wasn’t anywhere close to accepting responsibility for what that word implied. Still, I needed my Grey.
“You hurt me,” I said point-blank.
He flinched.
“I don’t like being ghosted.”
“I’m sorry,” he said again.
“I thought you’d lied to me,” I continued. “That the whole story you told me about Carina and you had been just that, a story. Something you made up to get me in bed with you.”
The color drained from Grey’s face. “I never thought you would arrive atthatconclusion.”
Anger and frustration built like pressure in my chest only to fizzle out before it could explode. With a sigh, I looked down atmy lap. “What was I supposed to think? You gave me nothing to work with. I was bound to jump to conclusions.”
He hung his head. “You’re right,” he said, more to himself than to me. Then, he raised his gaze back to me. “I haven’tdonethis before, you know?”
“Done what, exactly?”
“Let someone in,” Grey said. “Not someone I was interested in romantically anyway.”
My jaw went slack with shock before I could stop it. “Wait, you’ve never dated someone for real before?”
Grey shook his head. “I haven’t even talked to someone I wanted to be with for real before.” He paused. “That is, before you.”
My face warmed. “I just assumed you’d had others.”
“Why?”
“Just look at you.” I gestured at him. “One look at you, and you shattered my whole fucking world.”
“How poetic.”
