The area around us grew busy with the next band preparing to go onstage, so Martin whisked the members of Dreamscape off into a corner to talk further about potentially representing them. Everyone chattered excitedly as they followed, but I held back, unsure of my place in such a conversation. After all, it wasn’t exactly my band.
I followed them, though, stopping a few feet away as they found space for their business conversation. I couldn’t help feeling as if I were observing it from a great distance. I watched the enthusiastic hand gestures, followed by laughs, followed by aggressive nodding. It all seemed to go exceptionally well. But for some reason, I couldn’t feel any of it.What is wrong with me?
Is it simply because I’m not the center of Grey’s attention right at this moment? Am I really that needy? Why can’t I justbe happy about something good happening for my boyfriend—the person I claim to love so much?I couldn’t answer any of those questions. My mind went back to the questions I’d asked myself earlier.Would I be okay if tonight became my new normal? Would Grey’s divided attention be enough for the foreseeable future?
As I watched Dreamscape plan their future with Martin, I could swear I saw storm clouds forming on the horizon.
Chapter 33
Night Out
The conversations with Martin dragged into the early hours of the morning. We stayed in Portland overnight. By the time we headed back home, around five in the evening, Dreamscape was officially being represented by Martin. Of course, paperwork would need to be signed, andthatwouldn’t happen until Dae’s lawyer mother went over the contract with a fine-tooth comb. All the information washed over me through the night, none of it really holding any meaning. I just knew that whatever was happening was a good thing.
Grey was ecstatic as we rode home the next day. We’d barely slept the previous night, and the coffee I clung to like a lifeline wasn’t enough to keep my eyes from stinging with fatigue. I was proud of him. I was happy for him. But I was beyond exhausted. As the sun began to set and the engine hummed beneath us, I found my head drooping despite my best efforts to cling to consciousness. I wasn’t sure if I fully dozed off, but I lolled between sleep and the waking world as we pulled up in front of Grey’s apartment.
“Ethan,” he said gently, pulling me back to the land of the living. “We should get inside.”
I nodded. “Can I stay at your place?” I wasn’t sure how late it was—I knew we’d left at five and it was a six-hour drive, but my sluggish brain couldn’t put the facts together. I just knew it was dark outside, and I didn’t want to walk home.
“Of course you can,” he replied.
I wasn’t sure how Grey managed to understand the slurred words that had tumbled from my lips, but I was thankful I didn’t have to repeat myself. Grey half carried me up to his apartment before settling me in his bed. He gave me a gentle kiss, and I had a brief thought of trying to turn the kiss into something more. But I was too tired, and as I tried to convince my limbs to do anything more than lie there limply, Grey disappeared. Before I could wonder where he’d gone, Grey had crawled into bed next to me. I was asleep before his arm had finished wrapping around my chest.
The next thing I knew, I was waking to my Monday alarm.
I groaned. My head felt like it was strapped to my pillow. Still, I forced my body into motion. Bleary-eyed, I pulled my shirt over my head and went to brush my teeth. At some point over the past few weeks, I’d left a change of clothes and a toothbrush at Grey’s, and I thanked every god in the heavens that I had made that decision.
Grey, still asleep when I finished in the bathroom, was lucky enough to not have a class until nearly noon. He always looked so cute when he slept. Some of the edge he had about himself when he was awake was blunted when unconscious. I leaned down and kissed his cheek.
“Y’okay?” Grey slurred sleepily.
My heart melted into a puddle in my chest. It took every ounce of self-control—and fear of failing my semester—not to climb back into bed with him. God I loved him.
“I’m heading to class,” I said. “You can go back to sleep. I just wanted to say goodbye.”
Grey nodded. Judging from his movements, he had a fifty-fifty chance of forgetting this conversation the moment he closed his eyes again. “See you later.” He moved his lips, waiting for a kiss.
With a soft laugh, I leaned down and kissed him again. Then I left for class before I could convince myself it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I skipped it. It wasn’t long before I wished that I had.
Now that spring break was over, life was busier than I remembered it ever being. Though midterms were over, I had several major term papers due, followed by weeks of back-to-back exams that somehow managed to cover a fuck ton of information, though it had only been a few days since the last one. I often felt like I was seconds away from drowning at any given moment and couldn’t fathom how Grey managed it all. He had all the stress of school, plus a newly installed dictator named Martin to answer to.
Martin demanded even more rehearsal and studio time on top of the performances that they had already booked. No matter how good he’d thought they were when he’d signed with the band, they were nowhere close to the caliber that he wanted. Most days, Grey would be busy from the time he woke up for class until he could escape from practice well past one in the morning.
Between our two intense schedules that never seemed to line up quite right, the days slipped by, and before I knew it, it had been over three weeks since I’d seen him. It might as well have been years. And though we both texted as much as possible around the craziness that had become our lives, it really wasn’t enough. I was beginning to wonder if the next time I saw my boyfriend would be at the end of the semester.
I tried my best to keep a clear head and not spiral like I had at the music festival. Still, during some of the lonelier nights inmy room, I found myself contemplating if I was really ready for Grey to rocket to actual stardom if it meant so much of his time was taken up by the band.
By some miracle, on a Saturday night three weeks and five days from the last time I’d seen him—but who’s counting?—both our schedules cleared up for five seconds, and we managed to make plans for dinner and a movie before staying the night at his place. It was the most excited I’d felt in weeks, so of course, I was in the middle of getting dressed when my phone went off. I knew what would happen before I even glanced at the screen.
Hey, I’m really sorry to do this, but I’m going to have to cancel our plans for tonight. Martin wants us to go over some radio station contracts.
Even though I’d expected it, my heart plummeted to the floor. I glared at his text for a full three minutes, trying to come up with an understanding response that didn’t begin with the words “What the actual fuck?”
Grey seemed to sense my frustration through the phone because three dots appeared at the bottom of our conversation, telling me he was typing before I’d come up with anything halfway kind to say.
I’m super frustrated. I was looking forward to tonight.
They want these contracts signed by tomorrow.
