My friends are saying I shouldn’t feel like hell,
But I just want to feel your warmth.”
Tears sprang to my eyes as if they’d been waiting for the right moment to appear, but I kept them from falling. Grey had said everything I’d never allowed myself to dream about. He’d confessed his love for me in front of a crowded room. He’d thrown Martin’s demands to the wind, and he was singing a song that somehow felt as though the lyrics had been plucked out of my head from the thoughts that had been tormenting me the past few weeks. It didn’t seem real.
The song built to the chorus.
“Let me pretend for a moment that you’re not really going,
Pretend that it will be okay.
Don’t say the words I’m waiting for, don’t tell me it is over.
Let me believe that you will stay
’Cuz I can’t take goodbye just yet.
Let me pretend that we’ve just met.”
He looked at me and kept singing, but after a certain point, I stopped hearing the words individually and allowed the music of Greyson Hyun to wash over me. Through it, I could feel the emotion he aimed at me across the room with his eyes—his beautiful eyes. My heart swelled in my chest, and the tears that I’d been holding back with more force of will than I knew I possessed finally began to fall down my cheeks. Every frustration I’d held against Grey over his band, Martin, his future, all of it didn’t matter anymore. He was hurting just like I was, and he wanted to get back to where we’d been before the bullshit came to ruin it. That was what his eyes and song said to me. And I wanted that too.
The song ended, and the room erupted in applause. Grey grinned from ear to ear, and I could see tears shining in his eyes, reflected in the stage lights.
“I wrote that song the night my boyfriend broke up with me. You see, I’m not supposed to mention I have a boyfriend. My manager thinks it’ll jeopardize the band’s future. But we talked it over and decidedfuck that.”
There were a few loud, supportive whoops. Kellan joined in with the sentiment.
“Thank you,” Grey said. He turned to face me directly. “The fact of the matter is, I love you, Ethan… and I hope you still love me. If you can forgive me, I promise I won’t waste more time worrying about what others think. Because I don’t care as long as we’re together. I don’t need their approval or anything from them. But I do need you.” He took a deep, steadying breath. “So, Ethan, what do you say? Will you go out with me again?”
Somewhere in the far part of my mind, I was aware that someone had directed one of the stage lights at me, but I was too stunned to do anything about it. My breath came in ragged pulls as I stared up at the man I still loved with all my heart. Every cell in my body said to take him back.But how can I be sure things will really change?
“Take him back!” a girl yelled from a nearby booth, and she got a few scattered laughs from the room. But then someone else echoed the call, “Take him back,” then another person joined in, and another, until half the room was chanting, “Take him back! Take him back!” including a very enthusiastic Kellan and Josh.
I glared at them.How dare they try to influence me?
“Okay!” I called, but my voice was drowned out by the crowd’s noise.
“You’re going to have to get up there.” Kellan gave me an encouraging push.
It was enough to get my feet moving in the direction they were already begging to go—toward Grey. I walked slowly through the chanting masses to the edge of the stage. I looked up at Grey to find him wreathed in light, holding out a helping hand, which I took gratefully, and he hoisted me up onto the stage. The room quieted. Everyone seemed to be waiting with bated breath to hear my answer.
But now that I was on stage, I felt winded. I hadn’t been this close to Grey in weeks. Everything felt so familiar—his smell, the calluses on his hands from the hours spent practicing his guitar,the fine hairs of his arms, the amber brown of his eyes. We were still holding hands as we stood there with the mic stand between us.
“Okay,” I said into the mic so the room could hear. “I’ll go out with you again.”
Cheers erupted from the crowd. Everyone was as caught up in the moment as we were, if not more so. Stepping around the stand, I closed the gap between me and Grey. Though I had already said yes, I could see the lingering worry and doubt behind his eyes. Like I would turn and run away at any second. That was fair, I thought. I still had doubts, but right now, they seemed so very far away. The only thing I wanted was to reassure him.
“I love you, Grey,” I told him. “With all my heart.”
“I love you too.” As he said it, I saw the last vestiges of doubt flee from him. He wrapped me in his arms, pulling me close.
Then we kissed on stage, standing in the spotlight in front of everyone, cameras and all.
Chapter 37
Call It What You Want
After our kiss, Dreamscape performed a few more songs, and I went back to my table, where Kellan and Josh filled me in on the details that had gotten us to the big moment. Apparently, Grey had beensodistraught at not being able to get ahold of me that Josh had taken pity on him and had met with him to hear him out. Grey had explained the complications with Martin, and Josh had told him he was an idiot to think that Martin could legally deliver on such a threat—though from the sounds of it, proving that Martin dropped them for homophobic discrimination would be hard no matter how many witnesses had been there for the conversation.
