“Okay, so what’s the problem?”
He sighs and leans back in his chair. “I got ahead of myself, I guess.”
“Did you think wewould? Date, I mean,” I ask. I want to give him my full attention and patience on the subject. Just because I didn’t have any romantic feelings doesn’t mean he didn’t develop any along the way.
“Maybe? I don’t know.” He claps a hand over his face and groans. “I thought it would happen on its own. We were going at a pretty natural pace, ya know? It got in my head that we might end up dating or something.”
“You never said anything,” I say quietly.
“I know,” he groans again. “That’s my fault. I should have.”
Dating Dax seriously did cross my mind at one point, but I was still fresh out of a long-term relationship, so I put that on hold. More than anything, he was a friend. We started sleeping together because it felt good, because it was better than the one-night stands that made me feel miserable about myself. At least after sex with Dax, I knew we were still friends. That’s why I never let myself move past that marker into more intimate territory.
Finally, I say, “We got comfortable.”
“We did,” he agrees.
Silence settles between us. Neither of us knows what to say, and that makes me anxious for what happens next. Do I lose myjob for breaking things off? Do I lose a friend? I’m not even sure how to grapple with those two possibilities.
“I’m sorry I didn’t answer you last night,” I say.
“As long as you’re okay,” he says stiffly.
“Dax…”
“I know.” He stops me before I can start. “This is over between us.”
The way he says it out loud, with such resignation, makes me want to cry. But it is over. I want Gray, now more than ever, and I don’t think that’s going to stop for anything or anyone else. For so long, it never felt like a possibility that I could find and fall for someone so hard in such a short period of time. But it happened, and I want it all. Even if Gray’s hot, oiled ex wants to wring my neck.
“It is.” I nod.
“No more special treatment,” he says. “Just a normal employee to boss relationship. Got it?”
“What’s special treatment?” I ask. In all the times that we were together, I can’t recall a single time where he gave me any sort of special treatment apart from the other girls. He was pretty fair in all of his dealings.
“Fucking on the clock.”
Oohhh, yup. That tracks. I give a little nervous laugh and try not to squirm in my seat. “So, I get to keep my job then?”
“Why wouldn’t you?” He looks at me like I’m crazy for even asking.
“I don’t know. When things go sour, that’s kind of what I expect—All or nothing ending.” I motion my hands from my chest out to the sides to emphasize my point. It’s happened before with Ronnie, so why couldn’t it happen with Dax? At least last time I only lost the apartment post break-up. I still sort of had my dignity.
You get to keep your job, I remind myself.
“If anyone should get fired, it’s me.” He gives a hard laugh. “Good bosses don’t mess around with their employees.”
“We can still be… friends, right?” I feel bold for even asking.
“Give me some time, Millie, but yeah, eventually.” He gives a short nod and crosses his arms tight over his chest.
Fair, but it still sucks to hear it said aloud.
“Now get to work.”
“On it.” I stand from the wooden chair, grateful to be rid of its hard surface under my sore butt. On my way out, I don’t look back, and Dax doesn’t call for me again. When the door shuts, it feels like a literal and metaphorical door closing. Part of me feels relieved, if not a little sad, and the other part of me feels giddy for everything else that comes after.
When Tannis said they’d teach me how to fight, I didn’t expect a full-on training montage.
