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She bit her lip to stop her saying what she actually thought. ‘What about Eleanor and her babies?’
Sean nodded. ‘Two girls. Both in SCBU. Three pounds, four ounces and three pounds, two ounces. Not bad for twins. One had to have a little support breathing and the other was fine.’
‘And Eleanor?’
He sighed. ‘She started bleeding out almost straight away. Her blood pressure plummeted and she had six units of blood and then some platelets. We caught her just in time.’
‘What’s happening now?’
‘She’s stable. Mainly thanks to Jacob. She’s been transferred to ICU. They need to keep a careful watch for organ failure.’
Bonnie sighed. ‘Poor woman. I hope she’s going to be okay. Will you let me know how she is?’
Sean raised his eyebrow. ‘Won’t Jacob tell you?’
Bonnie felt colour rush into her cheeks. ‘What do you mean?’
Sean seemed completely unperturbed. He leaned on the desk towards her, a cheeky grin on his face. ‘You two had a fight? For a few weeks the world of CRMU thought you’d turned Jacob into Prince Charming. But now he’s back to his usual lovely self. I take it Prince Charming has turned into a frog?’
Sean was good-natured. He was only teasing but she felt distinctly uncomfortable. She wagged her finger at him. ‘If I find out you’ve been gossiping about me, Sean, I’ll ban you from our tea room. Don’t think I don’t know who goes in there and eats all the biscuits and sweets.’
Sean pulled back in mock horror. ‘Ouch. Tough sanctions.’ He waved his hand as he started down the corridor. ‘Don’t worry, Bonnie. All your secrets are safe with me.’
She blushed again as one of the other midwives came out of a patient’s room and raised her eyebrows at the comment. She pulled her phone from her pocket. Enough was enough. It was time to make that call to the letting agency.
* * *
‘Mummy, where are we going?’ Freya was looking at the photo on the laptop screen.
Bonnie took a deep breath. ‘We’re going to stay somewhere else, honey. This was only ever temporary. Jacob let us stay for a few weeks until we could find somewhere for ourselves.’
‘But I like it here. I like staying with Jacob.’ Freya stuck her chin out and folded her arms across her chest.
I like staying with Jacob too.
She knelt down in front of Freya. ‘I know that, honey. But we have to find a home of our own.’ She tucked Freya’s hair behind her ear and turned the computer screen around to show her the flat she’d just reserved. ‘It will be fine. Honestly, it’s near to the school and you’ll still get to see all your friends.’
Freya gave a nod and stared at the cases. ‘Will we have a Christmas tree like Jacob’s?’
No. Something tugged at her heartstrings. She didn’t want to leave. She really didn’t want to leave.
Jacob was being secretive. He’d kissed her, but never made any promises. He’d never even asked her and Freya to stay for Christmas. He hadn’t asked them to leave either...in fact, he’d made lots of excuses for them not to leave. But it wasn’t the same.
A distant, secretive man was not what she needed. No matter how much he made her heart flip over. It made her question herself all the time. She needed to protect her heart and her daughter’s. They’d got too attached. Freya’s reaction now just made her even more determined.
Tears were bristling in her eyes. ‘We’ll get another Christmas tree and I promise it will be just as gorgeous as the one we decorated here.’ Bang goes my limited budget.
It was fine. She would make sure it was fine. Anything to keep Freya settled after all the disruption she’d exposed her to. She already had the ridiculously expensive doll and all her accessories that Freya wanted for Christmas. Blowing what little savings she had left on another set of Christmas decorations was an easy sacrifice.
The key turned in the lock and she heard footsteps coming towards the sitting room. Jacob. He opened the door and his face dropped as soon as he saw what they were doing. The flat was clearly visible on the laptop screen in front of them.
‘Bonnie? Freya? What’s going on?’
Bonnie could feel her heart beating against her chest. She hadn’t expected Jacob to come home—not when he’d been avoiding them. She’d planned to write him a note, thanking him for his hospitality, but saying they’d found somewhere to stay and she’d see him at work.
She put her arm around Freya’s shoulders. ‘Oh, Jacob, I didn’t expect to see you. It’s just—’ she held out her hand ‘—I think we might have outstayed our welcome. I’ve found somewhere for us to stay.’ She met his confused gaze. ‘I think it’s time for Freya and I to move on.’
His mouth was slightly agape. He looked shocked. He looked a bit hurt. And everything about this was confusing her.
This was definitely the right thing to do. This was absolutely the right thing to do.
‘I’ll miss you, Jacob.’ Freya’s little voice cut through the silence. ‘Thank you for letting us stay.’
Jacob knelt down opposite her. ‘I’ll miss you too, Freya.’ His voice sounded hoarse. ‘You...and your mother.’ He didn’t look up. He didn’t look at Bonnie at all.
This was it. This was his chance to say something. To tell Bonnie that his feelings were every bit as strong as hers.
That he wanted to kiss her again—just as he had the other night.
That he wanted to spend more time with her and Freya. That he wanted to give this relationship a chance. That this actually was a relationship.
That she wasn’t completely crazy, and he was as crazy about her as she was about him.
She held her breath. Waiting. Waiting. For something. For anything.
But nothing came. Jacob still couldn’t look her in the eye.
‘Freya, go and get your coat and shoes. We need to go to the shops.’ Freya disappeared without a word.
He lifted his head. ‘Why are you leaving? Why are you leaving now?’
It was the way he said the word. She stepped forwards, everything erupting to the surface. ‘We can’t be here any more. Freya’s getting too used to being around you.’ She lifted her eyes. ‘And so am I.’
She gave her head a shake. ‘This was a bad idea. You helped us out, thank you. But I have no idea what’s happening between us, Jacob.’ She held out her hands. ‘I have no idea what this is.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I’ve found somewhere for us to go. We’ll be out of your hair.’
‘You have? Where? Is it one of those ones that you showed me?’ He sounded automatically defensive—as if he were going to tell them not to go.
She shook her head. ‘No, it’s another. It’s small, but in the area of Freya’s school. It will suit us for the next few months until we can find something else.’ She licked her lips. This was horrible. This was awkward.
There was a huge hand currently inside her chest, squeezing her heart hard.
Jacob looked at her again. There was a flash of something behind his eyes, which disappeared almost instantly. He looked down again.
‘What’s going on, Jacob? I know something’s been bothering you the last few days. But you haven’t said anything. You’ve been avoiding me. I thought we could talk about things.’ Her voice was edged with hopefulness that he might actually respond.
He shook his head. ‘There’s nothing.’ His voice was flat.
His dismissal made her mad. ‘Don’t say that. Don’t say it’s nothing. I know it is. Tell me. Tell me what’s going on.’ She was shouting now and she could almost see all his barriers being built up all around him. She bit her lip in anger and tried one last time. ‘I thought we could share things. I told you about my past—and you told me about yours. At least I thought you had.’
She glanced towards the door, worried that Freya would r
eappear.
He sucked in a deep breath. It made him seem taller, his chest wider and more imposing. ‘Not everything can be shared. Not everything is your business.’ His words were clipped.
‘Then we have to go,’ she said quietly. ‘I can’t be around you, Jacob. I can’t watch my little girl forming a closer attachment to you day by day when I feel as if you can’t be honest with me.’ She picked up her green coat. ‘I’ve been down this road before.’ Her eyes swept down to the floor and she gave a little shake of her head. ‘I thought that this time I could trust my judgement.’ She lifted her head and met his gaze. ‘I guess I was wrong.’
There was silence for a few seconds.
‘I hope you’ll be happy,’ he said quietly.
Something inside her died. That was it. Nothing else.
She’d been wrong. She’d been wrong about her and Jacob. There was nothing between them. A wave of humiliation washed over her.
She’d never felt like such a fool—not even when she’d found Robert in bed with her friend. Everything about this was different. With Robert, there had been no emotional investment left. With Jacob?
This hurt. This hurt so much it felt as if it could kill her.
Freya appeared at the door and she took her hand. ‘Goodbye, Jacob.’ Her voice was trembling. She just hoped he didn’t notice.
