He lowers me to my feet, his hands steadying me as I adjust my clothing. Although his touch is warm and reassuring, there’s a guarded look on his face that washes over me like ice. It’s subtle, but it’s there—a slight tightening of his jaw, the way his gaze doesn’t quite meet mine as it usually does. My stomach knots with the sudden, painful understanding that something has shifted between us.
Panic creeps in, twisting my thoughts.
He’s pulling away, Hannah. He knows you’re desperate and needy. You should have kept your thoughts to yourself.
No matter what my inner critic believes, I can’t leave it like this—silent and awkward.
“We should talk,” I blurt.
“Yes.” He continues to avert his gaze from mine and looks down at his feet. “There’s something I must tell you.”
I open my mouth to tell him I wasn’t serious, to tell him any one of a hundred lies that will undo the past few minutes and take us back to where we were, but before I can, a distant voice cuts through the stillness of the barn.
“Hannah, it’s time to go!” Marion calls from outside.
Kane stiffens, and his expression flickers with a hint of something I can’t quite place. “We’ll talk in our rooms. After we meet with the queen.”
A sinking feeling settles in my stomach. It’s hard to shake the sense that I’ve ruined things, that the wavering edge to my voice and my eagerness to talk have scared him off.
I’ve been here before, opening up just to have the person pull away. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. Kane was desperate for me a moment ago, and now he’s distant and closed. I knew feelings were off the table from the beginning, and I caught them anyway. My biggest mistake was thinking it was possible he could feel the same for me.
Even though he doesn’t, I can’t go on pretending our relationship is just about convenience and sex. My heart can’t take it.
“Yeah, sounds good.” I stare up at him, waiting fora kiss, a hug, handshake—something to bridge the gap I feel growing between us—but Kane won’t meet my gaze. “I’ll, uh, I’ll see you back at the palace.”
I hesitate for a moment, but the silence between us only grows, the weight of this unspoken thing between us like a physical ache. I suck in a breath and stare up at him, my eyes silently pleading for a response. “Kane—”
“Go.”
His rejection is a sharp pain that takes my breath away. My heart constricts and tears well up, threatening to spill over.
I get it. It’s not that Kane can’t give me his heart—it’s that he won’t.
I’m a passing amusement, something to do while he plays the hero and rescues the kingdom.
It was cute, Hannah, thinking you had a chance with him.
Swallowing hard, I nod and rush out of the barn toward Marion.
“I’m here, Marion!” I call out, my voice shaking.
“Oh, good! I hope I gave you enough time.” She smiles, taking in my flushed cheeks and disheveled hair. I must have become a very good actress, because there’s not a hint of concern on Marion’s face. “We must be getting back before Highgate becomes restless and thinks it a good idea to search for me.”
As we walk back to the palace, my mind remains with Kane and the heart I made the mistake of leaving behind.
I struggle to hold myself together, to keep from sinking onto the dirty cobblestones in a puddle of tears. What I had with Kane wasn’t perfect, but it wassomething. He is gorgeous, and it was earth-shattering, and I felt like magick when I was with him.
The ache in my chest grows, and I bite my lip to keep from crying.
I should have known better than to think something real could come out of what he’d calleda bit of fun.
But, like every good thing in my life, I had to get in my own way.
Twenty-One
“Why do I feel like you’re stepping all over my dress on purpose?” I hiss, maneuvering my skirts out from under Lord Highgate’s clumsy feet. “Haven’t you had etiquette lessons?”
“Why do I feel like you are influencing my Marion and up to no good?” he snaps back, a sneer curling his lips. “My wife wasn’t where I expected her to be when I returned from my duties. Before your arrival, she was always where I expected her to be, performing one of the three tasks I allow her when I am unable to keep an eye on her.”
