“You have saved me, a lot, and I made the mistake of thinking you would always protect me. When really, this entire time, you were protecting her, and I was just your bit of fun.”
He shakes his head and brushes his hand through his hair. “It started that way, and I thought being with you—taking your body as mine—would satisfy the hunger I have for you. But it only grew stronger. And after the fire. After I almost lost you…”
The words hang in the air like the smoke on that night, and my heart breaks all over again.
“When you asked me about staying here, when you said we had to talk, I felt it—the damage my lies coulddo to what we have. I needed time to think. Time to act, to put things right before I told you. Fawn, it’s not about my plan anymore. It’s not about Ivy, or Four, or the politics of this kingdom. It’s about you. You are not just my bit of fun, Fawn.”
I shake my head and back away. “I’m so naive. So desperate. So…sostuckin this fucking pattern.” My tears spill over despite my efforts to hold them at bay. “You may not have lost me in the fire, but you’ve lost me now.”
I turn and flee the room. My footsteps echo through the empty hall as I race to the stairs, the corridor a smear of gold and crimson through my tears. I don’t know where I’m going, only that I need to get away.
I reach the grand staircase, my heart pounding in my chest, and my foot catches on the hem of my dress. I trip and lurch forward. My purse slips from my grasp, and I catch myself on the banister. Its contents spill onto the carpeted steps. Pens, ChapStick, and lip gloss roll down the stairs, tiny reminders of a world that feels so far away.
You’re such a mess, Hannah.
Sobs wrack my body as I drop to my knees. Fingers quaking, I gather the contents of my purse and shove them back inside like I’m collecting pieces of my broken heart. My ChapStick tube rolls down the final step and onto the floor, and I snatch it up, hiccupping with every sob. I spin around and swipe at my eyes, trying to clear my vision as I frantically search for the one thing that truly matters.
Panic flares in my chest, a fresh wave of despair crashing over me as I drop onto the floor and dump out my purse. Lip glosses, a compact mirror, my wallet,crumpled receipts, pepper spray, tampons, and keys tumble out, but no tarot card.
My chest tightens, and I can barely breathe. I push aside the empty purse and paw through the pile again. My movements are erratic, my fingers slipping on the smooth marble as I shove aside everything that isn’t the Empress—the card that will take me home.
I let out a choked sob. “It has to be here! It has to be.”
My heart races with the weight of my desperation, my ignorance, my only way back lost within a stone palace.
Where’s the card? Where is it?
“Where is it?” I shout at my past self, my present, all the versions of me too clingy and afraid to make better choices.
The palace mocks me with silence as the reality settles in. The Empress isn’t here.
“I’ve lost it,” I whisper, burying my face in my hands. “I’ve lost my only way home.”
Just as I feel like I’m about to be swept away by the tide of my emotions, a familiar voice chimes, and Marion rushes to my side. “Hannah! What happened? What is all this?”
“Marion, please,” I choke out past my tears, “get me away from here.”
Concern bunches her brow, but she nods and doesn’t ask questions as she gathers my things back into my purse and helps me to my feet. She wraps her arm around my shoulders, and I cling to her as we rush out of the palace.
Even as my steps lead me farther from Kane and his lies, I can’t escape the feeling that I’m running frommore than just him. I’m running from the truth, the pain, the understanding that my shitty choices have led me to this moment.
Twenty-Four
The last rays of the setting sun paint the palace grounds honeysuckle pink as Marion and I ride across the lush lawns. I glance down at my horse, who follows Marion’s with slow, measured steps, her ears twitching at the sound of birdsong. The gentle sway of the animal beneath me is almost comforting, but it’s impossible not to think about Shadow. And thinking of Shadow will always lead to thoughts of Kane.
My bottom lip quivers, and I let out a shaky breath as I squeeze the leather reins, determined not to cry again.
Marion slows her horse and glances over her shoulder, a soft half smile tilting her lips. “Are you ready to speak of it?”
I hesitate, the words stuck in my throat. Finally, I nod. “I caught Ashwood and Ivy together.”
Marion’s eyes widen slightly. “I didn’t expect this, but I can’t say that I’m shocked.” She clicks her tongue and turns back to face the path ahead.
We’re quiet for a while. The rhythmic clomp of the horses’ hooves on the grassy path fills the space between us.
“I am sorry, Hannah. I wish there were more I could say, something I could do.”
“Calling for the horses, this ride…” I breathe in the last bits of sunlight and look out on the rolling hills that stretch into a horizon of mossy-green trees. Up ahead, the Tower pulls me, calms me. I can’t explain its magnetic allure, but right now, I don’t want to. Right now, I’m okay. “I feel a little bit better.”
