“No?” His brow furrows, and he tilts his head like a baby bird, as if he’s never heard the word before now.
“I’m not your easy option.” I stand up straighter, the Empress pulsing in my hand, filling me with strength. “Do you think you’re doing me a favor by asking me to move in with you?”
He blinks up at me. “I mean, this isn’t even a real coffee table, and the rest of your furniture looks like you found it on the street. Hannah, you put one more person in here, and you’re practically asking to get fined for breaking occupancy regulations.” With a shrug, he drags his fingers through his expensive haircut. “I’m not doing you a favor, but I’m not, you know…”
“No, Chad, you’re going to have to spell it out for me.I can’t read your mind.” I don’t think he gets I’m mocking him, because he simply offers me another shrug.
“I’m notnotdoing you a favor.”
“I don’t need your apartment or your life or you to complete me.”
“No, not to complete you, but to…elevate your status. Make you, you know, better.”
“More worthy of you.”
“Yeah!” He grins before realizing his mistake, his expression twisting. “No, Hannah, that’s not what I meant. You’re overreacting.” He pats the cushion next to him. “Come sit down. We can—”
“Stop fucking talking for once and actually listen to what I’m saying.I’m not moving in with you.” I enunciate each word like he’s a child.
He stares up at me, his expression shifting from confusion to anger. “Hannah, what the fuck? Beingeasy and living someplace better than this dump aren’t bad things. I said I might one day marry a girl like you. Possibly. You’re being emotional over nothing.”
“Am I?” I laugh, bitter and liberating. “I’ve been trying so hard to fit into a life I thought I wanted, to be someone I’m not. But I’m done. I want to be myself. Find out who she is. Find my own path, my own happiness. And it’s not with you.”
Chad stands, his eyes darting around the room as if searching for the girl who used to agree with everything he said. “Fine,” he mutters, heading toward the door. “But don’t expect me to be there when you realize what a mistake you’ve just made.”
Outside the door’s threshold, he spins around to face me, and I slam the door as his mouth flops open to let out more fetid air.
The Empress throbs with an insistent warm energy, urging me to take action.
I’ve made mistakes, but whining about them won’t fix anything. For once, I’m actually going to be in control of my life. It’s clear I can’t go back to pretending that the only things that matter are the next big marketing pitch and whether I’m dating a douche.
It’s about choosing who I want to be, what kind of life I want to lead. And as much as I want to believe that things can be different, a part of me knows that the only way to truly find myself is to stop running from the shadows and face the light head-on.
“American Express, I’m going to take you up on your offer and do some good with that thirty-thousand-dollar limit. Let’s make some donations and get my new life started.”
The Empress pulses again as if in agreement, an otherworldly hype girl, cheering me on.
I drop the can of seltzer on the counter, stride over to the fridge, and yank open the freezer.
I read an article once, the whole article since this one was written specifically for women on a budget, that suggested putting any credit cards in a container of water and freezing them. The ice obscures the numbers, so I’d have to wait for it to melt to make any impulse buys.
It worked. I’ve made zero credit card purchases other than the recurring monthly bills I have on auto pay and then promptly pay off when my measly paycheck lands in my account. According to the credit bureaus, I’m a catch. And I’ve had the same block of credit card ice in the back of my freezer since I moved into this apartment straight out of college as proof.
I pull out the freezer-burned block of ice and narrow my eyes at the warped credit card frozen beneath the surface like a mirage. In the hundreds of daydreams I’ve had about chiseling this cube open and getting to the plasticky center, I would have never dreamed it would be to pursue a future in a different world.
Frost stings my fingers as I lift the ice block overhead and slam it onto the floor. It shatters on impact, frozen chunks skittering across the linoleum in a burst of glittering shards. My credit card rests on an ice chunk between my feet. I pick it up, frozen flecks melting and sliding down the glossy silver surface.
“How about we start with a sizable donation to the ACLU?”
Caring about corporate responsibility is easy to talk about in pitches and drop into conversations at work.And it made me feel like I might be doing more than just pushing products and polishing brand images. But I wasn’t. Not really. To inspire change, I have to actually do something. This isn’t just about saying the words; it’s about making a difference. And this is me taking a step in that direction—to finally becoming the person I’ve always been deep down.
The air crackles with electricity, the tarot card vibrating with a soft hum that resonates deep within me.
Slowly, the Empress begins to move, her painted form coming to life. Her crown twinkles, each star pulsating with its own rhythm. Eyes gleaming and hair flowing like liquid gold, she raises her mirror. Her scarlet gown ripples, and the lush flowers and wheat at her ankles sway, caught in an unseen breeze.
The Empress’s laughter is the tinkle of wind chimes on a perfect summer day accentuated by the gentle whoosh of water from a distant stream. It fills the room and tickles my skin.
She leans forward as if she might step right off the surface of her card and into my realm, her movements graceful and fluid. “Claim your destiny, Hannah. Embrace the magick within and let it guide you.”
