“Yes, she didn’t know at that point that I was seeing Madison. If she did, I don’t believe she would havedone that.”
“How long exactly did you wait to tell her you had agirlfriend?”
“You know we haven’t agreed on thatlabel yet.”
“Oh, come on, Ash! That’s basically what you are. I wish you’d stop being so scared to commit to her.”
“You know why I don’t want to rush into things.”
“Is that the only reason, though? Because I’ve heard the same excuse from you forsix months.”
The thought had crossed her mind. She wholeheartedly believed that she was doing the right thing by taking it slow. If she rushed, she could potentially lose not only a girlfriend, but her best friend. Their whole dynamic would change and the life she had become so accustomed to over the past five years would be no more, but was that the only reason? Ashley sometimes lay awake at night wondering if she would have committed to Madison sooner if she’d never met Megan.
“Yes, of course it is.”
“It’s nothing to do with Megan?” Emily probed.
“No.”
“You’re100% sure?”
“Yes.”She wasn’t.
“Okay, so are you going to tell Mads about the ‘almost kiss’?”
That was the dilemma Ashley had mulled over on her walk home and on into the night. Madison had returned home from work just after midnight, but Ashley pretended to be asleep. She needed more time to process the evening’s events and decide what was need to know. That’s what she hoped the sunrise would helpher decide.
“I’m not sure.”
“What do you mean?”
“Would you tell her?”
Emily reached for her coffee, contemplating her response. “That depends.”
“On what?”
“What is your reason for not telling her?”
“I don’t want it to be made into a big deal when nothing happened. I know she’ll take it outof context.”
“You can’t really take an ‘almost kiss’ out of context, Ash.”
“You know what I mean. If I tell her it wasn’t like that, it was a misunderstanding, etc., she won’tunderstand.”
“So, what is the reason? You don’t know if you’ll ever see Megan again, right? Or if you do, it might be once every two years. Does it matter if you tell Madison and she resentsher for it?”
Emily often made a good sparring partner—not in the boxing sense. Ashley would say exactly how she felt and she knew Emily would hit back. Whether she liked the response or not, it would always be truthful and harsh when it needed to be.
“I want to be Megan’s friend. Like, really be her friend. If she moves back to New York one day, I’d want to spend time with her and build a relationship. That’s why I don’t want to tell Madison.”
“For someone you’ve only met a handful of times, you really want this girl to be inyour life.”
“Is that abad thing?”
“No, it’s just unusual. I find it hard to believe you don’t feel something more towards her.”
That was the battle she faced on a daily basis—trying to understand her own feelings lately had becomea struggle.
