Dazed.
It doesn’t seem real.
“I loved him so much.” I gasp. “I thought we were going to be together forever. I—I should go. That’s the right thing to do. Right?”
Then why do I feel like the room is spinning as if I just did way too many cheap tequila shots?
“I don’t condone this, and if Prism hadn’t cut our mental health care benefits, I don’t think your therapist would either.”
“I need to do this.” The tears are falling again. “Please, will you go with me? I don’t want to go by myself, and I can’t ask my mom. She thought I was stupid to leave him.And Great-Granny Mavis will just gloat and steal all the funeral cookies.”
Hannah glares then softens. “Fine. But only because I’m here to shepherd you through your healing journey.” Hannah pets my hair.
“Thank you!” I pull up Outlook. “I’ll send a calendar invite for the afternoon so it makes it look like we’re out on meetings.”
“Tomorrow? That’s soon.” Hannah wrinkles her nose. “They don’t have to, like, prep the body or anything? Take a little more time to grieve? I have to go to Portland for the Marner account. Ugh. Well, we’ll go piss on his grave this weekend when I’m back. How about that?”
I chew on my lip. “I don’t know… I should go to the funeral. I was engaged to him. We were going to get married.”
“You loved him. He didn’t love you,” Hannah says flatly. “Brock used you. Now he’s dead because karma is a…” She scans the funeral announcement. “A bus that creams you while you’re riding your one-speed bike.”
I wipe at my wet cheeks. “I thought he was the one. I can’t believe he’s dead. Oh my god.”
“No!” Hannah scolds me. “Do not throw the universe’s favors back in her face.”
“Maybe I just didn’t try hard enough.” I’m panicking. “Maybe Nathan’s going to leave me too. Something’s wrong with me, and that’s why my dad left.”
“Oh, wow, okay, impromptu therapy session, here we come.” She puts her hands on my shoulders. “You are a kick-ass woman, and you look fantastic in a red lip. You are organized and amazing and a good baker. None of the men in your life see that. Even one of the most powerful men inAmerica said he wants to eat your pussy. That has to count for something!”
“Ugh, that reminds me that I need to shave. I only have one black dress, and it’s a halter top.”
4
MCCARTHY
I’m yelling at my intern when Jenna shows up the next morning, wearing a black dress that skirts the line of professional. Probably trying to use sex to manipulate me, since I told her I’d eat her out yesterday.
Not one of my finer moments, but then Salingerhadidentified a pattern. I’d been feeling like I was spiraling out of control the last six months. Not sure whether I was scared enough to try to rein it in or so sick of this whole charade that I would just give in until it consumed me.
“Stop it,” Jenna snaps, shoving her small, curvy body between my little brother and me. I mean, really, she has to be wearing that dress on purpose.
“Don’t try to protect him.”
“You cannot yell at your interns.” She wags a finger at me. “You’re already on thin ice. Did you even review the handout I sent you on How to Manage So Employees Will Listen?”
“Good luck curing him of his personality disorder.” Isaac glares around her bare shoulder at me.
Jenna’s skin has angry red lines that I want to trace with my fingertips, probably from all those bags she’s dumped on the couch in my office. She has that ridiculous cup in one hand with its ever-multiplying charms and—is that a fucking purse on her cup?
“He’s a minor, McCarthy.” Jenna is scolding me, the accessories on the cup jangling nosily as she waves it around. “You cannot be in the news for verbally abusing a boy.”
“I’m not a boy.” Isaac bristles.
“Yes, you are,” I drawl at my younger half brother. “And he’s so cute too.”
Jenna sucks in a breath. “McCarthy…”
“But not cute enough for me to forgive the two-million-dollar satellite you just ruined.” I shove her out of the way so I can grab Isaac by the collar.
