“Did you tell her?”
“I’m not a complete idiot, Salinger.”
“Inquiring minds want to know.”
“Yeah, of course. Over and over. She doesn’t believe me, though.”
“You do have a penchant for lying.”
“Go to hell.”
“It sounds like she gave you the key to your heart. Maybe you can return the favor.”
“I don’t know what she wants,” I admit. “I thought I gave her what she wants. I told her I’d marry her, but—whatever. You don’t care.” I shut my mouth.
Salinger draws an arm around my shoulders. “You’re my little brother. You’re annoying, and you make terrible decisions, but you and the rest of the brat pack are my whole world. I don’t want you to be completely miserable.”
“Maybe I’m delusional. Maybe she’s right, and I just want to win, and I don’t love her, and all I’m going to do is hurt her. I still feel guilty. I should have tried harder to find Buddy. I let him down. If it wasn’t for Jenna…” My voice cracks.
Salinger wraps me in a hug suddenly. “I know how hard you tried. I know.”
“You can let go of me,” I mumble into his shoulder.
“No.” He squeezes me tighter until I can’t breathe, then he ruffles my hair. “For someone who’s a cocky piece of shit, that sure does sound like giving up.”
I siton the rock wall by the ocean, watching the silhouettes of the buffalo as they nose around. It’s like being back in the compound, where our father had a few buffalo for meat and they’d wander in and around the compound, too big for you to do anything other than get out of the way and marvel at the miracle of creation.
If Jenna had said she hated me, I could work with that.
I don’t believe you.
How do I make her believe me? How can I show her I’m different from all the other men in her life, that I’m not going to use her or hurt her, that I’ll be hers forever and ever?
52
JENNA
“Things truly are dire.”
“Look, it will make my mom happy. This is her first wedding, and who knows? Maybe I will have a spiritual experience.”
“You mean hallucinate as you puke your brains out in a yurt from eating berries you foraged? You better tell McCarthy where you’re going just in case he needs to pay fifty thousand dollars to airlift you out of the remote tundra,” Hannah says. “Also, your purse sold. You can go on a nice vacation instead of the wilderness retreat.”
“It’s not really my purse. I have to give the money back to McCarthy.”
“Girl…”
“It’s wrong to keep the money.”
“He doesn’t need it,” Hannah says.
“I know, but it’s bad karma. As soon as I heard it sold, I got another creepy message. It’s a sign.”
“You really are spending too much time with your mom.” Hannah adjusts her laptop bag. “And now that you somehow have picked up yet another stalker, I don’t think going to the wilderness with just you, your mom, and the senior-citizen brigade is a safe idea.”
“Granny Mavis is bringing a rifle.”
“Shoot. You should have brought her to this meeting.” Hannah waves to the VW bus that’s parked on a side street.
