“Mission?” I screech. “You tried to burn down a house. We could have gone to jail. We could have killed someone.”
“Roasted dick of a cheater for a midnight snack,slurp, slurp!” Gardenia pumps an arthritic fist.
“He’s lucky I couldn’t get that TNT to light.” Granny Mavis pulls the lumpy, still-wet yellow bricks wrapped in faded paper out of her bag.
Why was McCarthy there? Surely not because he was trying to avenge my honor or whatever. Is he that butthurt that I rejected his help? I sure attract crazy men.
There’s whooping next to me and the smell of something burning.
“Now that’s what I’m talking about!”
“Granny, no!”
I grab the TNT bricks from her and toss them in the water while she wallops me with her bag.
“Those are antique. They’re vintage explosives. You can’t just buy that on eBay. I was saving that for a special—”
BOOM!
The explosion spews a column of water. The concussion of it blows a hole in the dock. Old Al’s boat is collateral damage.
“Well, shit.”
We stand there dripping in charred kelp while old Al yells, “My boat! You blew up my boat!”
“Pshaw, it wasn’t anything to look at anyway.” Crocus waves a hand.
“You wouldn’t know. You can barely see, you old bat.”
“I can see you’re a useless tool.”
“Call the Coast Guard, and tell them we’ll exchange sexual favors for a ride back home on one of their boats.”
“I’m calling the police!” Al shouts.
“Abort! Abort!”
“Get in the van! I can’t go back to prison!” Mavis hollers.
“Where is Truman?” I cry as we run around.
Gardenia clacks her false teeth together. “Your boyfriend took him.”
20
MCCARTHY
“This is a fucking disaster.” Talbot Wynter throws up his hands. “I’m going home. You still owe us for the time. No refunds. Company policy.”
“Fuck you, Talbot. That’s a hundred eighty grand down the drain.”
“You’re the one who wanted to bring your girlfriend on a hit job night.”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” I snap.
“Oh yeah? Whose stuff is that?” Talbot goes to the boxes in the corner of my study and fishes in the top one. “Or did you suddenly get a fetish for sparkly, lacy pink—”
My fist connects with the side of his face.
