“Not magnificent enough.”
“Trust me—no one soldier was enough. We lost many men, it’s true, but it took a whole army to come together to fight the French. Your contribution and leadership helped turn the tide that particular day. Between you, Richard, and George, we finally won that battle.” Wolf waited. What else could he say to help his friend? He hated seeing him suffer, and he needed Jon to continue discussing his experiences.
Jon’s eyes widened as he looked at him. “We won?”
Wolf nodded. “You didn’t know?”
Jon shook his head. “I fell before it was decided and never heard. I feared the battle was lost.”
“No, the battle was definitely not lost that day, although it did take another four years to finally defeat Napoleon. He was a wily bastard.”
“Thank God for Wellington,” Jon said.
“Waterloo was another brutal battle. I was grateful to survive the war without any serious injury, but it took a long time for my nightmares to recede. You’re not alone, Lieutenant. I understand a little about how you feel, but you must confront these demons head-on. Don’t let them control you. I’m here to help you if you need it. Whatever it takes, I’m here to listen.”
“Will this ever end?”
“I honestly don’t know, but if you try to face the brutality of that day, perhaps the panic will lessen.”
Wolf noticed Jon’s breathing becoming a little easier. Talking about the battle and reducing its stranglehold on his friend was perhaps the best way to help him. Soldier to soldier, as only soldiers could understand the horrors they witnessed while at war.
Jon held tight to his hand as his words tumbled out. “Major, I saw…saw men running from the onslaught.”
“Some did, yes, but we were able to rally the remaining soldiers and push the French back in a resounding defeat.”
Wolf took the cloth off Jon’s head and refreshed it in the basin of water beside the bed. He placed the cool cloth back on his forehead. Maybe knowing that his efforts hadn’t been in vain would help Jon come to terms with what had happened to him. Was that part of his affliction? Did he feel like he’d let his men down? Nothing could be further from the truth. Jon had been an exceptional soldier, and all the men under his command had respected him and would have given their lives for him. To think that all these years, Jon had thought he’d failed his men. Wolf hated that he hadn’t thought to tell Jon earlier that they’d won the battle.
“Thank you, Major,” Jon whispered before he closed his eyes again.
Wolf patted his hand. “Sleep now, Lieutenant. We’ll hold the line.” More than anything else, that simple statement seemed to help his friend settle. Wolf watched him for a few more minutes, until his breath evened out and sleep took him. Then he slipped out of the room and closed the door before making his way back to the ballroom and the wedding breakfast.
Richard and George walked up to him when he entered the ballroom. “Care for a bit of fresh air?” Richard asked. “If I eat anything more, I’ll surely explode.”
Wiltshire nodded. “Let me tell my lovely bride I’ll only be a few moments.”
“I shall do the same,” Richard said.
After Wiltshire spoke to Mercy, he nodded at Harriet. She seemed to relax a little, her shoulders sagging with relief. She gave him a smile and continued her conversation with Mercy and Helena.
“Where’s Jon?” Richard asked when the three men had walked out into the garden for a bit of privacy from the wedding guests.
“He’s upstairs resting,” Wiltshire said.
Neither man knew of Jon’s panic attacks, and Wiltshire explained what was happening to their friend. “Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be any way of controlling when the attacks happen.”
“What happened today to set it off?” Richard asked.
“I’m not sure, but it may be having so many guests in his home after years of isolation. He needs solitude to recover himself.”
“Should we go to him?” Richard asked.
Wiltshire shook his head. “No. He’s finally sleeping. Let him rest.”
“Of course. I had no idea he suffered from these attacks,” Richard continued. “I knew of his nightmares, but that was all.”
“As did I,” George said. “And I was hoping those had subsided in the intervening years. These panic episodes are most likely the reason he told Richard and me to leave him alone when we first visited him. I had no idea he was suffering so greatly. I wish I’d known sooner, but we all know how private Jon is. He was never one to reveal any weakness, especially to his fellow soldiers.”
“Not all men recover from the war in the same timeframe. He did talk a little about how he felt the day he was injured, but he was clearly still in the grip of his anxiety. The saddest part is that he had no idea we won that battle. Perhaps that one small piece of knowledge will help him control some of his panic. I’ve seenthat talking about the war has helped other soldiers. I assured Jon he was safe and we would hold the line. That statement most of all seemed to settle him,” Wiltshire explained.
