He would not leave her. Not till she dismissed him and sent him off. Given the pressures of all that rested on her, that day might well come.
*
Mam did notfeel well. Bradana could see that much as soon as she entered the hall, where the two of them were alone, save for Mam’s woman, Genna. Though she bustled around the place, Mam’s movements were not brisk. She looked pale, and new lines had appeared around her mouth and eyes.
“Mam?”
“There ye are. I have sent Kendrick off about his business and barred him from coming back a while, that we may ha’ some peace.”
“Aye, but—” Bradana exchanged looks with the serving woman, who shook her head. “Mayhap we should do this another day.”
“There is no’ another day.” Mam tossed her hands in the air. “Mican and his son will be here in two days’ time.”
“Still and all. Pray, sit down. D’ye need somewhat to drink?”
“I canna take anything on my stomach, be it food or drink.”
“Ye ha’ not eaten this day?”
Mother shook her head and sat, easing down the bulk of her child. “I ha’ no’ slept. I keep having these random pains.”
Bradana stared in dismay. “But ye are no’ due yet.”
“Nay, but I am thinking I miscalculated. Look at the size o’ this babe.”
“Aye, so.” Bradana sank down beside the place her mother had settled. “Mayhap ye should rest now.” Her mother and she did not always get along easily and often enough butted heads. She did not know whether they were too much alike, or their ideas were too different. But Bradana did not want to lose this woman, one of the few people who had been present all her life.
“This wedding is mistimed. Can we no’ put it off till after the birth o’ the child?”
Mother’s eyes widened. “Nay, ’tis too long to wait. Listen to me. Ye ha’ not had much congress wi’ men. One thing ye must learn is, they want what they want, when they want it. They are happy when they get what they want, when they want it, and ’tis often gey important to keep a man happy.”
Bradana experienced an inner stab of rebellion. “Wha’ if what my husband wants is no’ what I want?”
Mother made a face. “Often it is so. A woman has her duty.”
“Mother, I will sell my soul and my will to no man.” Though Bradana would gift her soul freely. Indeed, she might well already have done. A terrifying thought, for how could a woman live without her soul?
“Listen to me,” Mother said again, gripping Bradana’s hand hard. “A man who’s displeased is difficult to live with. He can raise his hand to ye and use other cruelties to make your life a misery.”
“Mother, if ye think Earrach is such a man, why d’ye countenance this marriage?”
“Your father was such a man.” Their eyes met. “I was sent young to him, in marriage. My father, who loved me dearly, did not suspect what lay behind his smile, and I did not know wha’ to expect. I would no’ have ye endure the same. I learned late that my beauty alone spared me some o’ his wrath.”
Bradana stared, stricken. She did not remember more than vague impressions of her father, and Mam but rarely spoke of him.
She whispered, “He raised his hand to ye?”
“He could be a violent man. Mostly he did not direct that violence toward me. As I say, I made mysel’ pleasing. But there were quarrels every time I tried to stand up for mysel’. I told ye he died in battle? ’Twas a quarrel wi’ a neighboring chief that took him.”
“I am sorry ye had to endure that.”
“I did no’ love him. And I learned much from the union. That is why when Kendrick came along—well, I fell for him hard. I was a widow and could choose. I made certain that in my second marriage, I had a voice. But it has no’ been an easy match either. Though he has been good to ye.”
“He has treated me like his own.”
“Now he and I quarrel as I never dared quarrel wi’ your father. I learned to speak up for myself. So perhaps the way things are now is my fault.”
“I think your experience taught ye that ye need to stand for yoursel’. And so do I.”
