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The phone started ringing again and he headed back through to the back of the store. Dan had picked up the bags from the counter but seemed frozen. A bit like Carrie.
Another day or so. Abraham would be gone in a matter of days—maybe hours. What would happen to him then? Would he just get lost in the New York care system and be handed out to a foster family? The thought made Carrie feel sick. Before she’d been worried about Dan being embarrassed by her. Now, she realised she had much more to worry about.
She was going to have to say goodbye to another baby.
They walked out into the clear day. The snow was still thick everywhere, but the sky was clear and bright. Maybe this was the beginning of the end of the bad weather. Maybe it was time to move forward.
Dan seemed as lost in his thoughts as Carrie. Was he thinking about Abraham, too, or was he thinking about her?
They reached the edge of the park, near the Washington Arch. There were a few figures dotted around the park and a whole host of snowmen. ‘Look.’ Carrie pointed. ‘It’s like a whole little family.’ She stood next to the father snowman and looked down at the carefully erected snow family. ‘Dad, mum, a son and a daughter. How cute.’ Her voice had a wistful tone that she couldn’t help. Even the snow people had happy families.
Dan lifted his eyebrows at her. ‘Snow angels?’ he asked.
She wanted him to say so much more. She wanted to know how he was feeling. But Dan just wouldn’t reveal that side of himself to her. In a way he was even more closed off to her than Mark had been.
She gave a little nod. ‘Snow angels.’ This could be the last thing they would do together. She might as well have a little fun.
They found a bit of untouched ground. ‘It’s perfect,’ said Carrie. ‘Are you ready?’
She walked as gingerly as she could in her wellies and turned around holding her hands open wide. Dan left the bags on the ground and stood next to her, hands wide, their fingers almost touching. ‘You do realise you’re about to get soaked, right, Brit girl?’
‘It’s a question of whether I care or not,’ she responded as she leaned backwards, arms wide, letting herself disappear in a puff of powdery snow. She waved her hands through the snow as fast as she could, laughing, as Dan tried to keep up with her. Snow was soaking through her coat quickly, edging in around her neck and up her coat sleeves.
Then she felt it, her fingers brushing his, and she stopped.
She turned her head to face his. All of a sudden it seemed as if they were the only two people in New York. The only two people in this park, in this universe.
Dan moved. His breathing just as quick as hers. The warm air spilling into the cold around him, and then he was on her. His legs on either side of her, his warm breath colliding with her own.
‘What are you doing to me, Carrie McKenzie?’ His brown eyes were full of confusion and it made her heart squeeze. There it was. For the first time. Daniel Cooper stripped bare.
‘What are you doing to me, Daniel Cooper? I thought I was doing fine till I met you.’
She pushed her neck up, catching his cold lips with hers. Wrapping her hands around his neck and pulling him even closer. She didn’t mind the cold snow seeping through her coat around her shoulders and hips. She pushed aside the fact that a few minutes ago she’d felt a little hurt when he’d introduced her as his neighbour. She was as confused about all this as he was.
She’d told him everything. She’d told him about Ruby. She’d told him about Mark. But how much did she know about Daniel Cooper? And why did she feel as if she’d only scraped the surface?
In a few days the snow would be cleared, Abraham would be gone and their lives would return to normal. But what was normal any more? What would happen to her and Dan? An occasional hello on the stairs? She couldn’t bear that.
He pulled away and stood up, holding out his hands to pull her up from the snow. ‘Let’s go, Carrie. You’ll catch your death out here.’
The moment was past. It was over. Just as they would soon be.
She swallowed the lump in her throat. Now the wet patches were starting to feel uncomfortable. Starting to make her notice the cold air around them.
‘I guess it’s time to get back,’ she said quietly.
‘I guess it is.’ He picked up the bags and started towards the exit, leaving her feeling as if she’d just imagined their kiss.
* * *
Two hours later, dried off and with clean clothes, Carrie finished making coffee for Dan and tea for herself, before adding the fruit scones that she’d made upstairs to a plate. Baby Abraham was in a good mood and feeding happily after being picked up from Mrs Van Dyke’s.
Dan grinned at her. ‘I wondered what the smell was. Do you know it drifted down the stairs and woke me up earlier? Not that I’m complaining.’
‘Butter and raspberry jam. I hope you like them.’
‘I’m sure I will.’ He held her gaze for a minute and it made her wonder what he was thinking about. Was he regretting having her help with Abraham? Because she wasn’t regretting it for a second.
‘What did you do when I was sleeping—apart from baking?’
‘I went upstairs and visited with Mrs Van Dyke. She’s lovely—really lovely. Abraham seemed to like her, too.’
‘Everybody likes her. She’s just one of those people.’
‘Was she good friends with your grandmother?’
Dan nodded. ‘They lived in the same apartment block for sixty years and spoke to each other every day. Things were a bit different in those days—they used to borrow from each other all the time. There was hardly a day that went by where my grandmother didn’t send me up the stairs to borrow or return something.’
‘Did you meet her family?’
Dan adjusted himself in the seat as he fed Abraham. He looked slightly uncomfortable. ‘They were all a good bit older than me.’
‘The same age as your mother?’ She couldn’t help it. Both of them were tiptoeing around the issue. She didn’t want to ask him about his mother, and he hadn’t volunteered any information.
‘Yeah, around about the same age.’
Nothing else. It was his prime opportunity to tell her a little more and he hadn’t taken it. Should she give up? Maybe some things were best left secret. But it just felt so strange.
She took a deep breath.
‘How come you ended up staying with your grandmother? Was your mum sick?’
Dan let out a laugh, causing Abraham to startle in his arms. But it wasn’t a happy laugh. It was one filled with anger and resentment. ‘Oh, yeah, she was sick all right.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘It means that some people shouldn’t be mothers, Carrie.’
He didn’t hesitate with his words and it made the breath catch in her throat.
What did that mean? Was that just aimed at his mother? Or was it aimed at her, too?
Was this why he was so screwed up about Abra
ham? He thought Abraham’s mother wasn’t fit to have a child?
‘Is your mother still alive, Dan?’ It seemed the natural question.
‘No.’ His words were curt and sharp. ‘She died ten years ago. Drug overdose.’
The words were a shock and not what she was expecting to hear. Lots of people she knew had lost their mum or dad to various illnesses, cancer or some tragic accident. But no one had ever had a parent die from a drug overdose. One boy that Carrie had gone to school with had died a few years ago from drugs, but that was the only person she knew.
Chills were flooding over her body. Dan’s reactions were acidic, obviously affected by years of bitter experience. What kind of a relationship had he had with his mother? It couldn’t have been good.
‘I’m sorry, Dan. I’m sorry that your mother died of a drug overdose. That must have been awful for you.’
He stood up as Abraham finished his bottle and propped him up onto his shoulder. ‘It wasn’t awful at all. I hadn’t seen her in years. Nor did I want to.’
Carrie was at a loss. Should she ask more questions or just stay quiet? There was that horrible choice between seeming nosey or seeming uninterested. The last thing she wanted to do was upset Dan—he’d been so good to her. But she also wanted to support him as much as he’d supported her. Surely there was something she could do.
And then she remembered. His touch, and how much it had meant to her.
She walked over and laid her hand on his arm. His eyes went to her hand, just for a second, then lifted to meet her eyes.
She could see the hesitation, the wariness in them. He’d revealed a little part of himself, but there was so much more. She’d shared the most important part of her. It had hurt. It had felt as if she were exposing herself to the world. Taking her heart right out of her body and leaving it for the world to spear.
And what hurt most here was that Dan didn’t feel ready or able to share with her. Had she totally misread the situation? She’d thought they had connected. She thought that there might even have been a chance of something more. But if Dan couldn’t share with her now, how on earth could they go any further?
