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April stayed steadily in the background. Finn had drawn her a picture of the flowers his mum liked best and, even though it was nearing the end of November, the church was full of orange gerbera daisies. The room felt bright. And Finn’s little hand had gripped his the whole time.
He felt oddly detached about it all. He’d organised a funeral tea afterwards but only vaguely recognised a few of Isabel’s friends, even though they all made a point of coming and speaking to Finn. The little guy seemed overwhelmed. April looked even more uncomfortable.
He crossed the room, Finn’s hand still in his. He glanced down at Finn. ‘I think we’ve probably stayed long enough. I was thinking we could do something together with Finn right now.’
He could tell she was hesitant but Finn had perked up at the suggestion. ‘Can we go and pick a spaceman film?’
He looked at her again. She was pale in the black dress with her blonde hair tied back. The outfit had a severity to it that just didn’t seem quite right for April. They’d discussed wearing something bright like Isabel’s friends, but somehow it didn’t feel quite right for them. April had found a brooch with a bright orange gerbera that matched the church flowers and pinned it to her dress. Riley had relented and worn a bright orange tie with his dark suit. Even though they’d asked Finn if he wanted to wear one of his superhero T-shirts he’d shaken his head; he’d wanted to wear a suit like his dad’s.
Riley had been choked. He’d love to wear matching clothes with his son—just not like this. Everything about this was hard. He was questioning every decision he made.
He almost gave a shout when April gave a sigh of relief. ‘Let me get my coat,’ she said.
As they walked along the icy street together Finn reached out to hold April’s hand too. Riley was glad of the cold, fresh air. Finn hadn’t said much at all during the service. He’d placed a bunch of orange flowers by the grave and shed a few tears while Riley held him in his arms.
It had been exhausting. Smiling politely and shaking hands with people he really didn’t know—all of whom he knew were looking him up and down and wondering about his suitability to bring up Finn.
He’d had a stand-up fight with his mother about attending the funeral. She wanted to offer ‘support’ to her grandchild. But Riley had been insistent that the event was already too overwhelming for Finn. He’d been clear that she needed to wait a few days. Finn needed some space.
He would be starting full days at school next week and Riley had suggested his mum and dad come down to meet him then. He hadn’t told her that Finn had video-chatted with his uncle Dan a few nights ago. It was obvious that Dan was smitten by his nephew straight away, and Finn with him, but Dan being away was actually easier. More manageable.
‘Who is your favourite spaceman?’ Finn asked April out of the blue.
She looked surprised and he could see her searching her brain. ‘Well, it would have to be the one that I met.’
Finn stopped walking, his mouth hanging open. ‘You’ve met a spaceman?’
She nodded. ‘I went on holiday to Florida once and visited NASA. I got to have lunch with a spaceman. It was great.’
Finn’s eyes were wide. ‘Really? Dad, can we do that?’
Riley smiled. He was still getting used to being called Dad. First few times, he’d looked around to make sure it was really him that was being spoken to.
He gave a sort of nod. ‘We haven’t had a chance to talk about holidays yet. But it’s always something we could consider.’
‘Could we, Dad, could we?’ The excitement on Finn’s wide-eyed face made his heart swell. Right now he was tempted to promise the world to Finn, but he wasn’t sure that was the best idea. He wanted his son to grow up to appreciate people, things and places. He was still trying to figure out everything in his head.
And that included the woman walking at the other side of his son.
April had been quiet most of the day. She’d agreed to come because Finn had asked her to. Riley wasn’t sure she would have come on his invitation alone.
Although he’d been curious about April before, he hadn’t pursued things. He’d been due to leave. But that hadn’t stopped him trying to engage her constantly in conversation and trying to find out a little more about her.
Her face was serious. She’d told him she was good at funerals. She’d said she’d lost her sister but hadn’t elaborated. Had today brought back some bad memories for her?
He was still curious about April. She was fantastic with patients. She’d been supportive to him in the most horrible set of circumstances. Even now, she was holding his son’s hand. April Henderson had a good heart. Why didn’t she let anyone get close to her?
They walked onto the main street and into one of the local shops. Finn raced over to the large display of DVDs. Riley put his hands in his pockets. ‘Are you ready for this?’
She raised her eyebrows. ‘You think I can’t handle a little sci-fi?’
He gave a playful shrug. ‘I thought you might be more of a romance girl.’
‘Oh, no.’ She shook her head straight away, even though her gaze was locked directly with his. A smile danced across her lips as she brushed past him to join Finn. ‘What I don’t know about Star Wars, Star Trek and Buzz Lightyear isn’t worth knowing,’ she whispered into his ear.
He grinned. Another tiny piece of information about April Henderson. He was just going to keep chipping away at that armour she’d constructed around herself.
After a hard day for him and Finn, April was the brightest light on the horizon. And he’d never been so happy that she was there.
* * *
Two hours later Finn was fast asleep against April’s shoulder. He might even have been drooling a little. The credits of the sci-fi movie were rolling on the screen. The room had grown dark and it was almost as if Riley read her mind as he crossed the room and flicked the switch on a lamp.
She wasn’t quite sure how she’d managed to end up here. She hadn’t intended to. But when Finn had asked her to come back she didn’t have the heart to say no. Meaning that right now she had a five-year-old draped halfway across her, snoring.
Riley glanced towards her legs. As she’d sat on the sofa with Finn her dress had crept up a little more than it should. She tried to wiggle her dress down but it was nigh impossible with Finn’s weight on top of her.
‘April, can I get you something else a little more comfortable to wear?’
She almost laughed. It sounded like the old adage, Do you want to slip into something more comfortable?
He must have caught the expression on her face. ‘I have scrubs,’ he said quickly.
‘Scrubs would be great,’ she said. The black dress had been perfect for a funeral, but as the day had progressed it had started to feel more restrictive.
He disappeared for a second and set down a pale blue set of scrubs next to her, leaning over and adjusting Finn’s position to free her up.
She pushed herself from the sofa and looked around. ‘Bathroom this way?’ she asked.
Riley nodded and she walked through to the hall. It was a typical army house. Adequate. But not perfect. As she wiggled out of her dress in the cramped bathroom she understood why he’d immediately thought about getting a place of his own. Everything in the house was bland. It would be difficult to put a stamp on the place and give it a family feel. It didn’t really feel like a home.
By the time she came out of the bathroom, Riley was in the kitchen. ‘I thought I’d make us some dinner,’ he said simply.
She opened her mouth to refuse straight away, then stopped. Would it really be so bad to share a meal with him? It had been a big day. For him, and for Finn. And, truth be told, for her too. It was the first funeral she’d been to since her sister’s. It didn’t help that Isabel had only been five years older than Mallory. Mallory’s funeral had been
full of young people too. And, while it was comforting, there was also a terrible irony about it. Some people were cheated out of the life they should live. If she was honest, she didn’t really want to be alone right now.
‘Can I help?’
Riley pulled a face. ‘That depends.’
‘On what?’
‘On how fussy you are. I can make lasagne, spaghetti bolognaise or chilli chicken. That’s as far as I can go.’
‘Three things? I’m impressed. My speciality is chicken or sausage casserole.’
He laughed. ‘Okay then, which of the five—’ he opened his fridge ‘—no, sorry, four—I’ve no sausages—do you want to go for?’
April leaned her head on her hand. She was tired. It had been a long day. And it had been a long time since she’d had a conversation like this. A guy actually offering to make her dinner.
‘I think I’m brave enough to try your lasagne. Do I get to watch the chef at work?’
