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Inside, a little part of her shrivelled up and died. The whole reason she wasn’t in a relationship right now was to give herself space to get this part of her life sorted. To not have to explain her thoughts or decisions to another person.
But a tiny part of her also recognised that she’d never actually been in a relationship where she would have been able to have that kind of serious conversation. Perhaps that was why she was trying to wrap Riley Callaghan up and stick him in a box somewhere in her brain before he let loose thoughts she wasn’t ready for.
Thoughts like the ones where those perfectly formed lips were on hers.
She choked as Riley started to dish out the lasagne.
He still didn’t speak. Just handed her the dish with a raise of his eyebrows.
This guy was too good at this.
‘Maybe there’s just not much to tell. I’m twenty-seven too. I’ve worked here for the last eighteen months. Before that I was in a general hospital, specialising in chronic injuries. And before that I did a year with kids who had cystic fibrosis. I’ve moved around to get a variety of experience.’
Not strictly true. She’d moved to the general hospital to be closer to Mallory when she’d got her diagnosis. And she’d moved to Waterloo Court after Mallory died because she couldn’t face all the sympathy and questions from her colleagues. It was easier to be in a place where people didn’t know your history.
‘Are your mum and dad still around?’
She nodded. ‘They moved up to Scotland just over a year ago. My nana was starting to get frail and they wanted to be closer to her.’
Her family felt as if it were falling apart. They’d lost one daughter and knew there was a possibility they could lose the other. And every time she looked at them she could see the pain in their eyes—that this was genetic. A time bomb that no one could have known about—at least not until fairly recently. But their pain had also affected her own decision. Would she want to risk passing faulty genes on to her own child? No. No way. Not when she saw the pain it could cause.
‘Do you visit?’
She nodded. ‘I visit a lot. Well, whenever I get time.’ She looked up from the lasagne. ‘I can’t believe how good this is. Who taught you how to make it?’
He smiled. ‘It’s a secret.’ His eyes were twinkling.
Was it a woman? She felt a tiny stab of envy.
He topped up her wine glass. ‘I worked with an Italian doctor in an infectious disease unit for a while. He gave me his grandma’s recipe.’
She kept eating. ‘Well, I hate to say it, but it might even beat my sausage casserole.’ She glanced through to the living room. ‘Do you want a hand to wrestle Finn into his pyjamas? I don’t think he’s going to wake up now.’
Riley followed her gaze as he kept eating. ‘In a minute. Darn it—jammies. I need to put them on the list.’
‘Finn doesn’t have pyjamas?’
He shook his head. ‘He does, but I think he might just have taken a little stretch. Either that or I’ve shrunk them in the wash. I’ll need to get him some new ones.’ He looked around the plain kitchen. ‘And I need to get some decorations too. I don’t even own a Christmas tree. I’m not even sure where to buy one around here.’
‘There’s a place just a few miles out of town—that’s if you want a real one, of course. They can be a little messy, but they smell great.’
‘Will you show me?’
She paused. She wanted to say no. She should say no. But a little bit inside of her wanted to say yes. Riley Callaghan was messing with her mind.
‘I can give you directions.’
‘I didn’t ask for directions.’ His fork was poised in mid-air and he was looking at her pointedly.
She licked her lips. It didn’t matter she’d had plenty of wine; all of a sudden her mouth felt very dry. ‘Why don’t we just play it by ear? I’ve got some plans in the next few days. If you let me know when you’re going I can see if I’m free.’
His eyes narrowed for a moment. He was a doctor. He could recognise a deflected question easily. It was second nature. But Riley was gracious enough not to push.
They finished dinner and she washed up while he prepared Finn’s room. It only took a few minutes to wiggle Finn into his pyjamas, and then Riley carried him up to bed.
She couldn’t help but follow him up the stairs as he laid Finn down in his bed adorned with a spaceman duvet. He whispered in his son’s ear, put a kiss on his forehead and switched on the nightlight that illuminated stars on the ceiling.
‘Oh, wow,’ whispered April. ‘That’s fantastic.’ She smiled at him in the dim light. ‘I think I want one.’
He raised his eyebrows as he walked back to the doorway, his shoulder touching hers as he bent to whisper, ‘I hate to break it to you, but you’ll have to sweet-talk my mother. She sent it down yesterday for Finn and I’ve no idea where she got it.’
April watched the circling stars on the ceiling. It was almost magical. Hypnotic. And by the time she stopped watching she’d forgotten about how close she was to Riley. She could smell his aftershave. Smell the soap powder from the soft T-shirt he’d changed into when they’d got home. Her eyes fixed on the rise and fall of his chest, then the soft pulse at the base of his neck. She was suddenly conscious that the scrubs she was wearing were thin. Thin enough to probably see the outline of her black matching underwear beneath the pale blue fabric.
All of a sudden it felt as though a part of life that was so far out of reach was right before her eyes. A gorgeous man, a beautiful child—things she couldn’t even contemplate. Things that seemed so far away and unobtainable. When she and Mallory had been young they’d always joked about who would marry first, and being each other’s bridesmaids. They’d both taken it for granted that those things would naturally happen. Right now, she had to concentrate on surgery. Getting through that, gaining a little confidence again and getting some normality back to her life. Pursuing anything with Riley Callaghan wasn’t possible. It wasn’t fair to her. It wasn’t fair to him. It especially wasn’t fair to a little boy whose whole world had just been turned upside down.
In the dim light Riley’s hand lifted oh-so-slowly towards her. ‘April—’
She turned swiftly and walked out of the room, her breath catching somewhere in the back of her throat. She needed to go. She needed to get out of there.
She rushed down the stairs and picked up the bag with her dress in it and her black coat. ‘It’s getting late. I need to get home. Thanks for dinner.’ She said the words far too brightly.
Riley was at her back, but his hands were in his pockets and his eyes were downcast. ‘Yeah. No problem. Thanks for coming today. I appreciate it.’
She nodded as she slipped her arms into her jacket and headed for the door. ‘Say goodnight to Finn for me. See you at work tomorrow.’
Riley gave the briefest of nods as she hurried out the door. It didn’t matter how quickly she walked, she could sense his eyes searing into her back the whole way, as the smell of his aftershave still lingered around her.
* * *
He watched as she hurried away like a scalded cat. What had he done? He hadn’t actually touched her. Yes, he’d meant to. Yes, he’d wanted to.
His lips were still tingling from the fact he’d wanted to kiss her. To let his lips connect with hers. Right now, he almost felt cheated.
But it was clear that something else was going on.
There was a reason he’d been curious about April Henderson. It wasn’t the good figure, the blonde hair and cute smile. It was her. The way she engaged with the patients. The way he could tell sometimes she was considering things, trying to do what was best. She’d captured his attention in a way he’d never really been caught before.
She’d relaxed a little around him tonight. When she’d been with Finn sh
e’d been happy. She was so good around Finn. He seemed to almost sparkle when he was with her they connected so well.
And it wasn’t just Finn. Riley wasn’t imagining things. There was definitely something in the air between them. Even though she was trying her best to ignore it.
He should probably ignore it too. Finn was his priority. Christmas was coming. His son was about to face his first Christmas without his mother, but Riley was about to spend the first Christmas with his son.
He wasn’t even sure how to mark the occasion. He should be overjoyed and happy, but in the circumstances it wasn’t appropriate.
There were obvious times when Finn’s childhood innocence shone through. He spoke about his mum. He cried at times. But children possessed a resilience that adults couldn’t quite comprehend. And he seemed to be settling in to his new house, his new surroundings.
