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‘Come on, you guys. Let’s go pick a tree.’
April nodded; she slipped her hand into Finn’s and he took it without question. As they walked through the main entrance she gestured to a blacked-out area to the left. ‘All the neon trees are in here. The real trees are on the other side. I wasn’t quite sure what you would want.’
Riley bent down to Finn. ‘Should we take a look at them all?’
Finn nodded excitedly. The area was encased by a giant black tent and, as soon as they pushed the curtain aside, Finn gasped. The tent was full of trees, all different sizes, all pre-lit, some multi-coloured, others with just white lights. Some of the lights were programmed, twinkling intermittently, or staying bright the whole time. Finn walked slowly from one tree to the other, stopping in front of one tree that was covered in bright blue lights. ‘I like this one, Dad,’ he breathed.
Riley glanced at April, then bent forward and lifted the price tag. His face gave a twisted look. He turned the tag towards her and mouthed, ‘How much?’
She laughed. ‘Come on, Finn.’ She gave his hand a tug. ‘Let’s look at them all before we make a decision.’
They walked out of the tent, past all the rope lights for decorating the front of houses, and an array of illuminated parcels, Santas and white reindeers. The back of the tent led out into the middle of the garden centre, with tinsel and tree decorations as far as the eye could see.
Riley blinked. He turned and put his hand on April’s waist. ‘Boy, Christmas is really a big production, isn’t it?’
‘And you want to buy a house?’ she quipped. ‘By the time we leave here, you won’t be able to afford a house.’
The decorations were all organised by colour. Finn made his way over to the red ones, his little fingers touching everything that was hanging on the wall in front of him. April laughed at Riley flinching every time Finn stretched for something delicate-looking. ‘Let him look,’ she said quietly. ‘It’s part of the fun.’
Riley rolled his eyes. ‘I can see me leaving here with an enormous bill and not a single thing to show for it.’
She shook her head. ‘Don’t worry; they’re used to children.’
They spent nearly an hour, Finn running between the coloured displays then back into the tented area. Finally, April pointed to outside. ‘Do you want to go and see the real Christmas trees?’
Finn nodded and slipped his hand into hers. Her heart swelled. It was ridiculous—it didn’t mean anything. But the warmth of that little hand in hers sent a whole wave of emotions circling around her body.
Riley held the door and they headed outside. In the space of an hour, the last elements of light had gone, leaving the perfect backdrop for viewing the real Christmas trees, which were planted in lines and all currently topped with a dusting of snow.
April sucked in a breath. ‘Well, this is definitely the place to pick a Christmas tree.’
Riley brushed against her. ‘I think you could be right.’
Finn’s hand slipped from hers and he ran yelling down the middle of the path. ‘This is great!’ he shouted, holding out his hands to brush against the trees.
‘Eek!’ April took off after him and swept her arms around him. ‘Watch out—you might damage some of the trees. And you’ve not picked your own yet.’
He looked a little disappointed, his head turning from side to side. ‘But how do you pick a tree?’ He wrinkled his nose. ‘What’s the strange smell?’
Riley laughed. ‘It’s all the trees. Haven’t you had a real one before?’
Finn shook his head, so Riley knelt down in front of him. ‘Well, now is the time to decide. Do you want a light-up tree from inside, or a real one from outside?’
Finn looked confused. ‘Does the real one go in the garden, or go in the house?’
‘It goes in the house.’
He touched the nearest tree. ‘But if we pick one of these does that mean our Christmas tree has no lights?’
Riley shook his head. ‘We just buy some lights separately. We need to buy some Christmas baubles too.’
Finn looked thoughtful. He started to walk in amongst the row of trees again. April and Riley exchanged glances and followed him around. There were plenty of other families at the garden centre picking Christmas trees. April realised that people would assume the same about them—that they were a family. Her heart gave a squeeze as she realised how much she’d wished for something like this.
Riley was confusing. It was clear he was trying his best with Finn. It was clear he was learning along the way. And so was she.
She couldn’t work out in her head how she felt about all this. She’d been attracted to Riley from the start, but he was only there for a short time and she hadn’t been in a place to begin a relationship.
Now, he was staying. And she wasn’t entirely sure how happy he was about it. It was clear he loved his son. But his career plans had just been halted abruptly.
And the constant lingering looks made her wonder what else there could be between them. Riley was flirtatious. He hadn’t mentioned any significant long-term relationships in the past. Who knew what he’d want in the future?
She hadn’t even revealed her health issues to him. It was quite likely that Riley might see his future with more children in it. That couldn’t happen with her.
She had surgery to go through. There would always be that threat of cancer somewhere in the background.
That could be true for a lot of people. She was well aware that one in three adults in the UK would develop cancer at some point in their lives. But, even with surgery, chances were her odds would be higher.
The long and short of it was that she was a risk.
Finn had already lost a parent. Was it fair she might even consider being a part of his life—even as a friend?
As for Riley... She squeezed her eyes closed for a second. Finn was running around a Christmas tree now. He seemed to have picked his favourite. And Riley was joining in and chasing him around.
Her heart ached. She liked this man far more than she should. He was a charmer. Last thing he needed in his life was a woman with a potential ticking cancer and no ability to have children.
There was a real pang deep inside as she watched Finn. Another woman was standing to her side with a small curly-haired girl, and her stomach swollen. April turned away quickly. She didn’t want to get emotional. Since she’d made her decision about the surgery it seemed as if the wor
ld was full of pregnant women.
It felt as if the number of female staff she worked with who’d announced they were pregnant recently had doubled. It could be that there was something in the air. Or it could be that she was noticing more, and becoming more sensitive to it.
She gritted her teeth. Her decision would give her a better chance at life. A life she should embrace. A life she would live on behalf of herself, and her sister.
‘Okay?’ Riley came up behind her, his breath visible in the cold air, his cheeks tinged red and his eyes shining. He caught the expression on her face. ‘What’s wrong?’
She shook her head. ‘Nothing. Nothing at all. Are you done?’
He gestured with his hand towards the tree Finn was still dancing around. ‘We’ve picked our tree. I’ve spoken to the sales guy. They’ll deliver it. We just need to pick some decorations.’
For a second she thought she might have to paste a smile on her face. But she didn’t. The warm feeling of being around Riley and Finn was spreading through her stomach and up towards other parts.
‘Great. Let’s get back inside.’ She rubbed her hands together.
Riley looked down and closed his hands over hers, rubbing them with his own. ‘Are you cold? Sorry, I didn’t think.’
The gentle heat from his hands was so personal. So unexpected. He smiled as he did it for a few seconds. ‘I should buy you some gloves.’ He pulled his hands away and turned back to Finn. ‘Come on, Finn. April’s getting cold. Come and pick some lights.’
Finn turned at his father’s shout and ran straight to them. ‘What colour? What colour will we get?’
Riley slid his hand around Finn’s shoulders. ‘Well, you get to pick. I don’t have any decorations yet, so you can pick your favourite.’
She followed them back into the darkened area. The lights twinkled all around them. It wasn’t just lights. There was a whole array of illuminated animals at their feet, and a whole Christmas village on a table too. April wandered over. She knew as soon as Riley was at her back as she could smell his woody aftershave. ‘What are you looking at?’ he whispered.
