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‘I’m not happy, Brad. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me something as important as this.’
She felt him take a deep breath. Right now his blue eyes were almost a window into his soul. She could see his regret. She could see his pain. And although hers could only pale in comparison, she wondered if he could see hers.
‘I didn’t mean things to turn out like this. This wasn’t in my plans.’
In an instant she could almost feel his withdrawal. The hackles rose at the back of her neck. ‘What do you mean?’
His hands touched her waist. ‘This. Us. I didn’t realise things would get so serious.’
‘What did you expect? You’ve practically spent the last five weeks by my side. Every time I turn around, you’re right there next to me. If you didn’t want us to be more than friends, you should have stayed away.’ She hated how she sounded. She hated the tone of her voice, but she just couldn’t help it.
The muscles on his shoulders tensed again and he blew some hair from his forehead, obviously in exasperation. What on earth was he thinking? She had a hollow feeling in her stomach. After the wonderful night before, did he want to walk away?
Everything about this was confusing. She didn’t even know how she felt about the fact he had a daughter—she hadn’t had time to process those thoughts. Why was she even considering any of this? Her head had always told her this relationship was a bad idea. She wanted someone who would stay in Scotland with her, and the sinking feeling in her stomach told her Brad could obviously never do that.
But her body and soul told her something else entirely. Brad was the first man in a long time that she’d been attracted to—that she’d even been interested in. She loved spending time in his company. She loved his normally easygoing manner. She loved the fact she could depend on him at work—his clinical skills and judgement were excellent.
But most of all she loved the way she felt around him. Even yesterday, in her grandmother’s house, doing a task that should have made her feel sad and depressed, there had been so much comfort from having Brad around.
And as for how her body reacted to him...that was something else entirely.
Brad reached up and touched her hair, winding his fingers through one of her curls. Her head tilted instantly—an automatic response—towards the palm of his hand. His eyes were closed. ‘How could I stay away from this, Cass?’
He pulled her head down and touched a gentle kiss to her lips. ‘You’re like a drug to me, Cassidy Rae. Apart from Melody, you’re the first thing I think about when I get up in the morning and the last thing I think about when I fall asleep at night.’ His eyes opened and she could tell instantly he meant every word.
This was no gentle let-down. This was no attempt to look for an excuse to end their relationship. He was every bit as confused as she was.
She pulled back. This was too much. She was getting in too deep. She pushed herself upwards, her legs trembling as she walked around to the other side of the table and pushed her untouched plate of food away.
‘I can’t think when you do that. I can’t think straight when you touch me. It’s too distracting.’
Brad let out a short laugh, shaking his head.
‘What? What is it?’
‘That word, Cass—distraction. That’s what I thought about you at first.’
Cassidy frowned. A distraction. Hardly a flattering description. But he reached across the table and touched her hand again.
‘You have no idea how I was feeling when I got here. I’d just had the year from hell in Australia. I’d been to the US twice, chasing false leads trying to find Melody. None of them worked. I’d spent a fortune and still had no idea about my daughter. Last Christmas...’ He raised his eyes to the ceiling.
‘Let’s just say it was the worst ever. Then a few of my friends sat me down and had a conversation with me that was hard for all us. They told me I should never give up looking for Melody, but I had to accept I had a life of my own to live. And they came prepared—they had an armful of job ads for all over the world. I’d let my career slide. I’d been consumed by doing everything I could to find my daughter. The job I’d always loved had become a noose around my neck. I didn’t make any mistakes but I’d lost the enthusiasm and passion for the job.
‘My friends knew the career paths I’d been interested in before, and they convinced me it was the right time for a break—a change of scenery and a time for new horizons.’
He gave her a rueful smile. ‘I didn’t come to Scotland with the intention of meeting anyone. I came to Scotland to experience the infamous Scottish winter and the ream of medical admissions that always follow. I planned to just immerse myself in work. To try and give myself a break from constantly checking my emails and phoning the private investigator in the US.’
Cassidy didn’t know what to think. A distraction. That’s what he’d just called her. She couldn’t stop herself from fixating on it. And it gave her the strangest sensation—a feeling of panic.
Maybe this was it. Maybe she should grab her clothes—wherever they were—and get out of here. She needed time to think. She needed a chance to get her head around what he’d just told her. Right now she was suffering from information overload.
Her gaze drifted out the kitchen and onto the coffee table in the living room. She hated that word. It made her feel worthless. As if he didn’t value her. The way Bobby had made her feel when he’d left. He’d never used that word, but that’s the way she’d felt—as if he’d used her as a distraction, as if he hadn’t valued her enough to stay. The same way her parents had made her feel. As if she wasn’t worth coming home for.
The only person who hadn’t made her feel like that had been Gran. Solid. Dependable. Warm and loving. But even that had changed now. Her gran was a mere shadow of her former self. And what about those letters? She really needed to sit down and decide what she wanted to do with them.
‘Cass?’
She was startled. Brad’s forehead was wrinkled. He’d still been talking to her, and she’d been lost in her own thoughts. ‘What?’ she answered quickly.
‘You didn’t hear me, did you?’
She shook her head. ‘You’ve given me a lot to think about. Maybe I should leave? Maybe you don’t need any more distractions.’ Her mind could only focus on one thing and she stood up again, ready to leave.
But he was quicker than her, and it took him less than a second to have her in his arms. His face was just above hers. His stubbled jaw, tanned skin and blue eyes definitely distracted her.
‘I said it was nice to meet someone who enjoyed Christmas so much. Last year is something I don’t want to repeat. I was hoping you would help try to get me into the spirit.’
She blinked. He was using her weak spot. Her Christmas rush. And he was doing it with that lazy smile on his face and his fingers winding under her T-shirt.
She sighed. ‘This isn
’t all just going to be okay. I’m going to need some time—to see how I feel.’ Then the sticking point came to the forefront of her brain. ‘And are you still just using me as a distraction?’
His head moved slowly from side to side. ‘I’m not using you as anything. I just want to be around you, Cass. I have no idea where this is going to go. I have no idea what’s going to happen between us. But I’d like to find out. What do you say?’
There it was. That feeling. For five weeks he’d made her feel special. Made her feel wanted and important—as if she were the centre of his life. She wanted to say a hundred things. She wanted to sit him down and ask more questions. But his fingers were trailing up her side...
‘I need some time to think about all this, Brad. You certainly know how to spring something on a girl.’
He pulled back a little. ‘I know, and I’m sorry. I should have told you about Melody.’
Right now she didn’t know what to do. She’d learned more about Brad in the last fifteen minutes than she had in the last five weeks. He was hurt, he was damaged. She had seen that in his eyes. And for the last five weeks he’d come to work every day and been a conscientious and proficient doctor. Could she have done the same?
Who did he really have here as a friend? Who was there for him to talk to, to share with, apart from her?
More importantly, did she really want to walk away right now?
It would be the sensible thing to do. She was already feeling hurt, and walking away now could save her from any more heartache in the future. But she’d still need to work with him, she’d still see him at work every single day. How would she cope then? And how would she feel if she saw him with anyone else?
The thought sent a chill down her spine. She didn’t want to see him with anyone else. In her head he was already hers. And even if this didn’t go anywhere, why shouldn’t she enjoy what they had right now? She certainly wouldn’t mind a repeat of last night. The sooner, the better.
Her hands wound around his neck. ‘How about we try to create some new Christmas memories—some nice ones—ones that you could only experience here with me in Scotland?’
