Something about that statement ignites a flame in her eyes, shifting this moment from fun to dangerous.
“Really? Because it seems like you still have some growing up to do.” She slaps a hand on the counter where she grabs an egg from the carton I left out.
I know how to read a room for potential threats, and right now there is a giant neon sign screaming at me to get out of here. “You seem upset.” I take a step back, but she follows.
“Oh,nowyou can read my emotions? That would have been helpful eight years ago.”
“You’re still hung up on me,” I say, matter-of-factly. I immediately regret it as the egg mixes with the strawberry on my chest.
Too bad there’s no back arrow to delete unfortunate conversations. There’s only forward, through all the mistakes.
“I’m mad at you!” This phrase is punctuated with a spray from the bottle of chocolate sauce. It hits my mouth and cheek. I lick the corners of my lips. I’m turning into quite the dessert. “Aren’t you going to say anything? Explain yourself?” she asks, holding the bottle like a weapon. “Don’t I deserve that much?”
She wants me to explain now? “I… can’t.”
“Can’t? Or won’t?” All playfulness is gone from her eyes.
Is she calling me a coward? That’s what I felt like that night.
I still feel like that.
They are words; all I have to do is say them.
She sighs and takes a step back, shaking out her hair, the fight disappearing. “It’s not like it matters. It was forever ago, and like you said, we were kids.”
She’s giving me an out. It’s good of her. But after what I did, she deserves at least part of the truth.
“It’s not like we were actually going to run away together.” Her voice is barely a whisper.
That.
That statement drags me back to the summer of senior year. To the last time I truly wanted something. Wantedher.
Most surprising of all, she wanted me, too. How can she think I didn’t mean it?
I never wanted anything more.
“I bought tickets to California.” The words escape my lips, a confession never uttered.
Her body stills, and she looks at me,reallylooks at me. She opens her mouth, but no words come out. Her chin quivers, and she blinks to ward off the wetness in her eyes.
“I—”
My next confession is cut off when I’m hit in the cheek so hard I feel like I’ve been shot.
“Nerf war!” Bella screams, raising her gun in the air with a hoot.
If only she had started this two minutes ago.
Chapter 18
Maya
HeboughtticketstoCalifornia.
The words circle my brain as Soren disappears, chasing Bella with a Nerf gun he pulled from the giant toy chest.
He was serious. As serious as I had been when I’d packed my bag. We were going to elope.
