A soft breeze passes through my parents, lifting Mom’s light brown hair off her shoulders. I’ve noticed that this happens every time we visit their graves. I know it’s my brother and sister. They’re telling us that they heard every word and that they miss us just as much as we miss them. And they’re also assuring us that they’re okay and are in a good place. We shouldn’t worry about them.
At that moment, I wish I were there. Just so I could feel them. But I’m also relieved that I’m not because it kills me to see my parents in so much pain. It’s hard enough on video chat—it would be a million times harder if I were physically with them. I only wish I could hug my parents.
Mom and Dad remain at the cemetery for a few more minutes before leaving. They don’t hang up with me until they’re a hundred percent sure I’m okay. The tears have stopped, thankfully, and my breathing is under control. The only thing I feel is this deep ache in my heart. I know it’ll take a few days before it’s gone and I’m back to normal. Thank God it’s the weekend and I’ll have time to recuperate.
But I also don’t hang up until I’m one hundred percent sure they’re okay, too. After they assure me that they are, we tell each other that we love one another and hang up.
I lower my phone onto the table with a shaky hand and stare at the space in front of me. Despite the fact that it’s been thirteen years since my siblings died, it still hurts a lot. Maybe not as much as the day they died, but it feels like a knife slicing through my heart.
The world moves around me, people coming and going, but I’m in my own bubble, reliving more memories of my siblings—well, trying to. I’ll hang onto as many as I can, no matter how much it aches.
Reading always makes me feel better, but I’m not sure I’m in the mood right now. I kind of want to go up to my room and lie in bed, but I know that’s not healthy. The best thing for me to do is keep myself occupied with something I love. Maybe hang out with my friends. Raven and Carly don’t know what it’s like to experience loss, thankfully, but Addie lost her parents a few months ago. Talking to her always makes me feel better, but I don’t want to bring it up now when she seems to be doing much better than when she first arrived here. She’s obviouslystill heartbroken over their deaths, but she’s moving on as well, especially now that she has her amazing boyfriend. It wouldn’t feel right to drag her into all the heartache just because I want to feel better.
Something above me yanks me out of my thoughts. When I raise my eyes, I find Damian standing before me.
“Forgot my jacket,” he says as he lifts it off the back of the seat he sat on during our tutoring session. I was actually surprised when he took his leather jacket off because it seems like he never takes it off, but it was stuffy in here during the lesson.
“Have a good day, Sophie,” he says before turning around.
“Thanks. You, too.”
He makes a move to leave, but then he turns around. I’m once again caught up in my thoughts about my siblings and don’t really pay much attention to him.
He moves closer to the table. “Are you okay?”
“Hmm?” I raise my eyes to his and find him watching me closely. “Oh. Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks.”
He doesn’t move.
I return to staring at the spot before me and thinking about Gina and Adam.
“Sophie, are you sure you’re okay?”
I nod, swallowing hard.
He makes a move like he’s about to leave, but to my surprise, he drops down in the seat next to me. Not the one he sat at during our session, but the onerightnext to me.
I turn my head toward him, wondering why he’s sitting there. He keeps his eyes on me for a moment before staring at the spot before him.
Tearing my eyes from him, I once again stare at the spot before me, too. I continue to remember my dead siblings, cementing all that I can into my brain. I know I’ll forget themmore as I grow older because that’s how the brain works. New memories push away old ones. But I don’t want any memory of them to be pushed away. I’ll fight to hold onto them with everything I’ve got.
Damian doesn’t leave. He doesn’t say anything, either. He just remains in his spot next to me.
I didn’t want to be alone, and having Damian beside me, even though he’s not saying anything, makes me not feel alone. But I didn’t exactly want to interact with anyone or be social. Having him sit next to me, not forcing me to talk or tell him why I’m upset, feels really…good. It makes me feel safe and like I’m healing.
He doesn’t leave until I do.
Chapter Thirteen
Sophie
Carly, Addie, Ryder, and the rest of the dance team have already left to the school that is hosting the dance competition. It’s Saturday morning and Raven and I woke up early because we need to get ready and because it’s kind of a long drive. Since my car is still broken, we’ll be taking Raven’s.
We prepare everything we’ll need, go to the dining hall for breakfast, then make our way to the parking lot. Raven made a playlist with our favorite songs so we won’t get bored.
“So exciting,” she says as we get in the car. “Carly and Addie said this routine is fire. And Carly and Ryder have some sick moves in their duet. I can’t wait to see it.”
I nod, forcing a smile. I’m trying to match her mood, but I’m still getting over the emotions from this weekend. I spent most of Friday evening in bed, watching videos of my family before my siblings were taken away from us. I thought it might help me feel better, and it did for a bit, but the loss nearly overtook me.
