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So, yeah, I was worried about a lot of big stuff. Little stuff too. But most of all, I was worried about giving Mason another baby.
What if I couldn’t conceive? What if I couldn’t carry to term this time? Would he still love me? It was a stupid thought but I couldn’t shake it. Logically, I knew he would, but I couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing him.
Tonight, we were going to start trying. He’d convinced me to put it off but I was as ready as I would ever be. I hadn’t told him my decision yet. But I couldn’t keep worrying about this forever.
“Just for being beautiful.” He kissed me softly. “And foolish enough to put up with my raggedy ass.”
I slid my arms around his waist to grab his cheeks through his worn-in jeans.
“I happen to like your raggedy ass.”
“Like?”
I blushed at the heated look he was giving me.
“Love. I love it.”
His eyes grew serious and he kissed me again.
“I love you so damn much, woman. Don’t forget it.”
“How could I? You tell me a dozen times a day.”
He just sighed and squeezed me again before letting go. We went in the house so he could say hi to Pate. She was doing her homework quietly in the kitchen while Delaney bounced up and down in her high chair in excitement. She always lit up at the sight of her daddy. She was the happiest baby ever born. I swear, she only cried once in a blue moon, and the moment she saw her dada, she perked right up.
I sighed as he pressed a kiss to Pate’s head and lifted little Delaney from her high seat. The look on his craggy face was pure joy mixed with a healthy dose of protective caveman. The man really, really loved his children.
He looked at me and I got hit by the very same love ray. But would that change if the baby thing didn’t work? What if I was just a big disappointment?
He wanted lots of kids. He’d told me before. Of course, he’d also said that I was enough, even if I hadn’t come with the other love of his life, little Pate. And that was before Delaney came along. Not to mention that his first ‘kid’ had recently made him a granddaddy twice over, more or less.
We ate a quiet dinner with the kids and tucked Pate in. She had a book in bed with her and one of those little bendy reading lights that clamped onto the edge of the cover. We had given up on keeping her from staying up reading, but we drew the line. She had to be asleep by eleven. That was late for a kid, but we had caught her huddled on the floor of the closet, reading at two AM once, so we figured we had to give a little to make sure she actually got some sleep.
I was tingling with excitement and nerves as I got ready for bed. I slipped on a sexy pink nightgown. It was short with a lace top that subtly showed what was underneath. I washed up, brushing my teeth and putting on the peppermint lip balm that Mason liked so much. He always said it made me taste like a candy cane.
“Jesus, woman, are you trying to kill me?”
I giggled and turned to see Mase standing in the doorway. He watched me as I climbed onto the bed and crooked my finger. But Mason didn’t jump on me like usual. He took a deep breath and I braced myself.
Something was wrong.
“I don’t want you to be mad.”
“What is it?”
I sat up and stared at him.
“I love you and I love our kids. More than anything.”
“I know.”
“I don’t want to make another one.”
“What?”
“I don’t want to do the baby making thing, Mich. I’m sorry.”
“You said you wanted lots of kids.”
“I do, if that is what we get. But I don’t need them. I’m more than happy with what we have now, but there’s plenty of love to go around if we want to expand.”
“I don’t understand.”
The look in his eyes was pure regret. He was about to hurt me and he knew it. I swallowed hard.
“I said I didn’t want to make any more.”
It hit me like a ton of bricks.
“With me, you mean.”
He nodded. Hurt flashed through me. He was trying to let me down easy. My husband didn’t want another baby with me.
“Yes. With you.”
I crumbled. It felt so personal. It felt like the worst kind of rejection.
I felt the bed shift as he sat beside me and took my hand. He tilted my chin up so I was looking at him. His eyes were shining.
“It’s not worth it, babe.”
“But—”
“Listen to me.” The look in his dark eyes was serious. I shut my mouth with a snap. “You are it for me. The only woman I will ever love. The only woman I have ever loved. I would fucking die without you, babe. And don’t forget it’s not just me. Payton needs you. Delaney needs you. And God help my selfish ass, but I need you. I would not . . .” His voice cracked with emotion. “I would not make it without you.”
