She shrinks back at the rise in volume in my voice, and I should feel bad, but Goddamn it I don’t. I’m pissed. I’m more than pissed. This wasn’t fear or confusion–this was on purpose. This was a conscious decision to keep me out of the loop for the second time. This was betrayal. For the first time since I met her, I look at her and the rose colored glasses are cracked.
“I didn’t mean to,” she pleads, tears beginning to spill onto her cheeks. “I thought I could make this work, that I could be okay with the way things are. But I can’t.”
“And what way is that, Eleanor?”
“Nothing has changed, Griffin,” she says miserably. “You still don’t want to go, and I still don’t want to stay. We’re in the exact same spot we were two years ago.”
“No actually, we aren’t.” I’m fully yelling now. My voice doesn’t sound like my own anymore–and after this, I don’t think it’ll ever sound the same again. “Youare in the same spot again.”
She opens her mouth to say something, but the words are tumbling from my mouth and I couldn’t stop them even if I wanted to.
“You, once again, have made a decision without talking to me about it.You,once again, are running away from your problems instead of dealing with them.” My voice is starting to go hoarse, but I’m not done. “You didn’t stop to think about what I want? How I might feel about this?”
“Of course I thought about you,” she says, eyes pleading with me to listen to her. “Of course I care how you feel.”
“Did you consider that if I knew you were leaving again, I wouldn’t have wanted this? You didn’t give me a fair shot. You used me upagain,and now you’re leaving me behindagain.” My voice falters, the anger giving way, not to sadness, but a bitterness that swallows me whole. I sink back on to the couch, elbows resting on my knees and dropping my head into my hands.
“Maybe you’re right,” I say dejectedly.
“I really think I am,” she murmurs softly, reaching over to touch my arm. “I think this is better for both of us.”
“No, not about that,” I say, yanking my arm from her and looking at her with more contempt than I’ve ever felt for anyone.
Her eyes go wide, face draining of color as the meanest words I’ve ever said leave my lips. “Maybe you are selfish, and awful, and a coward,” I bite out, words laced with venom. “Maybe you don’t deserve me, Eleanor Turner.”
She chokes out a sob, and we both stand, knowing this conversation is over. There’s no point in dragging it out–nothing is going to change her mind, and I don’t have anything left to give. “I know I sure as hell didn’t deserve this.”
“I’m so sorry,” she whimpers. “I didn’t mean to do this again. I really do love–”
“Don’t you dare,” I cut her off, my tone dangerous enough that she takes a step back from me. “Not now, not ever again.”
She’s sobbing freely now, and in spite of everything, all I want is to wrap her in my arms and kiss every last tear away. But I don’t. I let the anger keep my feet firmly planted as she goes up the stairs. I stand frozen in silence until I hear the front door slam behind her–walking out of my house, and out of my life, just like she did two years ago.
This time, I don’t fight it.
Chapter 47
Ellie
September, Age 21
Boston is…lonely. After my initial internship ended, I decided to stay and finish my degree online. Because that’s what makes the most sense. It’s the best way to fast track my career. I’m out of Larkspur. Well, I guess I’m out of Texas entirely. About as far away as possible actually, even if that wasn’t necessarily the plan. I’m doing what I always said I was going to do. I’m out in this big old world, finding myself.
And I’m desperately miserable.
“How ya doin’, Ellie Bellie?” Every time I hear Abby’s voice on the other end of the phone, I nearly burst into tears. I’ve made some friends here, and I like my coworkers, and the locals are perfectly friendly. But they aren’t my best friend.
“I’m alright, my sweet ginger angel. How are things there?”
Dead silence.
“With peace and love, shut the hell up.”
“Ma’am?”
“I’m alright.” Oh boy. She only mocks me like that when she’s gearing up for a full tirade.
“That’s not what I sound like.”
