After sending a screenshot to Jack to prove that I’m not backing out, I put my phone on silent, rolling on my back to stare at my bedroom ceiling. It hits me that if things go badly tomorrow, this might be the last conversation I ever have with Griffin Hart. I fall asleep sick to my stomach, that horrifying notion playing on repeat in my mind.
I have no idea how I survive the next day, but before I know it the final bell is ringing, and I’m on the dirt road at the edge of town that leads to the lake. When I see that he’s already there, leaning against his truck, my heartrate decides to leave this solar system–I can’t tell if it’s going a mile a minute or if it’s stopped completely.
He’s dressed the way he always is, in a t-shirt, jeans, and cowboy boots, but my stomach still flutters when he spots me, his face lighting up as he pushes off the door and walks over toward me. No one has ever looked better in a pair of beat up Wranglers–and no one has ever looked at me the way he does.
I step up in front of him, much closer than I need to be, and let out a breathless, “Hi, Griffin.”
His smile somehow gets brighter, and I swear there’s an actual twinkle in his eyes when he says, “Howdy there, Eleanor,” in return.
Realizing that this is the closest proximity we’ve been in since we kissed, my face flushes and I hastily take a step back, putting some much needed distance between us. I also realize just how badly I want to kiss him again. And again. And again.
I turn abruptly and head for the walking trail. He swiftly falls into step beside me, hands in his pockets, seemingly very comfortable with the silence between us. Me, on the other hand–my skin is crawling with nerves as I work up the courage to start my carefully planned monologue. The problem is, I can’t remember a word of it.
“So, um, how have you been?” I ask, incredibly lamely, failing miserably at sounding casual.
“Same old, same old,” he says with a shrug, even though I’m pretty sure he knows thatI knowthat’s a lie. “What did you want to talk to me about?”
Okay, here we go Ellie.
“Well I was talking to Jack and heard that things, um, ended, with Katie,” I continue nervously, “And I just wanted to see how you’re holding up.”
Out of nowhere, a streak of bravery sears through me, and I steel myself, glued to the spot. I know the next words out of my mouth are going to be as much a surprise to myself as they are to him, but they start tumbling out before I can stop them.
“Actually, that’s not true at all.”
Not realizing that I’d stopped, he turns around from a few steps ahead of me with a shocked look on his face.
“I don't remotely care about Katie. Actually, I’m glad you guys broke up. Best news I’ve heard in months, to be honest.”
He continues to stare at me wordlessly, jaw hanging open in bewilderment.
“I know I was awful to you after my birthday, and I probably blew my chance, and I have no right to ask for another one, but fuck it, I’m asking.”
His jaw snaps shut, his eyes widening. I think it would be enough to just look into those eyes forever, but now that I’ve started talking, I don’t think I could stop if I tried.
“You made a dumb mistake a million years ago, and I have held it against you in the worst way. I’ve been petty, and stubborn, and scared, and I can’t promise that I won’t ever be any of those things again.”
Taking a step forward, he looks at me warily as I start to close the gap between us.
“I should never have called you a distraction. You are everything good in this world, Griffin. You’re kind, and thoughtful, and patient. You have this warmth that draws people in effortlessly, the kind you can’t learn or practice. You’re better than most of us without even trying, and for the life of me I can’t figure out why it took me so long to see it.”
I hear the hitch in his breath when I take yet another step toward him.
“I have done absolutely nothing in this world to deserve you,” I say in a quiet voice. “But I’m selfish enough to want you anyway. And I do, Griffin, I want you.”
This is it. There’s no going back now. I look up at him, desperately hoping he can see the truth in my eyes.
“I want the whole damn thing. I want dates, and kisses, and arguments, and laughter, and that comfortable silence you only find with people who really know you. I want it all, and I want it with you. Because I love you, Griffin Hart.”
This time he steps toward me, almost involuntarily.
“I love you,” I repeat. “And I’m asking if you want to love me back.”
He doesn’t say anything, just keeps staring, and a terrifying thought occurs to me.
“Unless you got back together with Katie, in which case forget everything I said and let me know so I can crawl under a rock and never come back out.”
He still doesn’t say anything, but a slow smile spreads across his face.
