If you really believed that, you’d have told him everything by now. But you haven’t. Because you know he’s always seen you as a wild card, a hazard, a danger. If you tell him you ruined a little girl’s life by taking her parents away, then he’ll know you’ve finally lost what little part of your soul was hanging on by a thread.
“Kara?”
She turns abruptly at Wade’s worried voice, surprised to find him standing close behind her. “Did I wake you? I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Whatcha doing? Heard you talking.”
“Nothing. I’m fine. I feel okay.”
He only stares sadly, palming her shoulder to let his thumb wave light across the fabric of her shirt.
See? He doesn’t even believe you ‘cause he knows you’re a goddamn liar. Match made in heaven here. Can I come to the wedding? That should be an entertaining shit show?
“Stop,” she says again, her hands coming up to cover her face as if to shield herself.
“Still seeing things?” Wade asks, carefully.
“I know it’s not real. I know it’s a hallucination.”
Fuck, forget this secret. You can’t even tell him what you want. Hell, won’t admit it to yourself. Go on, tell him. Say what you really want and see what happens. Tell him you’ve been in love with him since the day you met. Bet you won’t.
“I can’t,” she whispers.
“Listen to me. Whatever you’re seeing or hearing, it’s not true.”
“What if it is? What if it’s all true?”
Gently, Wade pries her hands away from her face and pushes a strand of hair behind her ear with a slow stroke. It’s as surprising as it is tender, grabbing her full attention as she waits impatiently for what he’ll say next, hating how badly she needs his validation and unable to keep from craving it.
“I wish you could see what I do when I look at you,” he replies softly.
“What do you see?”
“The best person I know. The bravest. The only one I trust.”
Betcha won’t say it. Betcha won’t. Dare you to. Come on. Do it.
“You don’t have to fight this alone,” he continues. “Let me be on your side. Let me help you.”
Alone is how she handles everything. She’s spent so long pushing him away when she needs him most that it takes a conscious effort not to do it again.
Too scared to say what you feel. What if things change and get weird? What if he turns away in disgust, because of course he will? What if he leaves like everyone else you loved always has? All you do is lose people. That’s you, baby. That’s always gonna be you. You got abandonment issues a mile wide and a canyon deep. That shit’s too much for anyone to deal with. Prove me wrong. Tell him your secrets and the contents of your shattered heart, and let’s see if he stays.
“I don’t know how,” she gasps, emotion collecting in her chest and squeezing tight.
“How to do what?”
“Let you help me. There are things you don’t know, Wade. And when you find out, you might see me differently.”
Oddly, Wade takes this as a good thing because he looks far more relaxed all of a sudden than anyone else in this room. “There’s not a damn thing you could say that would change things between us. You don’t have to worry about that. You said it yourself, remember? We’re both different now. We’ve all done things.”
She almost laughs at how simple he makes it sound.
If you tell him, he’ll assume it’s his fault those people died. He’ll only see you as a tornado leaving a path of destruction in her wake, and all of it only to find him. He knows you killed half of Silas’s army, but he doesn’t know about that family, does he? Or all the other innocents that got caught in your crosshairs. How fucking selfish are you to lay that at his feet now?
She pulls away quickly, can’t look him in the eye when the demon in her head is on a roll.
Her brows furrow in confusion as he takes her hand to rub a soft thumb over her knuckles, picking up that gentle cadence again when it’s clear she isn’t replying yet.
