“Um…could be a week or could be five years?”
“Guess we gotta find a fruit tree then.”
“Haven’t seen any.”
“I got an idea. We find a farm store and some seeds and grow us some scurvy repellent.”
She tilts her head to face him. “Where would we plant it? There’s that spot right before the trail opens to the park. Level ground there.”
“That’s a good place. Maybe more than one? Some in the forest by the lake, too?”
“Not a bad idea.”
Somewhere along the way, it occurs to him that they’re quite literally talking about putting down roots. She’s not really worried about dying from scurvy. She steered this conversation here and simply waited for his light bulb to switch on.
“Takes a while for fruit trees to grow,” she says softly, rubbing her thumb across his knuckles.
“I heard it’s bad luck to plant one and then leave it,” he replies, playing along.
“Makes sense.”
Do it now, ask her. If ever there was a moment to finally confess what he truly wants, it’s this one.
He sits up, arranging the blankets over his lap and taking a few deep breaths to prepare. She follows suit, pulling on his shirt to cover herself and facing him cross-legged, waiting for him to say what’s so obviously on the tip of his tongue.
“Can I ask you something?”
She nods.
“Stay out here with me? Long term. Forever. We never have to go back. Not that we ever planned on going back unless I remember something important. Just think about it, okay? We could be happy here. A trip back is dangerous, and those memories about Cole have been lost to me for years now, Kara. They aren’t magically appearing any time soon. It’s not that I don’t wanna see him again, of course I do, but I’d choose you even if I did remember him. This is one of those things that I kinda need us to say out loud instead of assuming.”
Her eyes shine and her lips form a thin line, but instead of acceptance or relief, all he sees is someone trying not to cry.
“Wade…I have to tell you something.”
Chapter 37
When Kara allowed herself to imagine what it might be like to tell Wade about her worst secret, it was always unemotional. She would lay out the facts without hesitation because it’s been years.
She’s moved on. It doesn’t hold the power over her that it once did.
Except that’s all a lie, or she would have told him already. Secrets like this aren’t kept unless they’re too difficult to speak. She’s only fooled herself into thinking it didn’t matter anymore. Time may have given her the ability to compartmentalize, but once that box is unlocked, all bets are off.
Avoiding it any longer isn’t an option. Not when he’s asking her to stay out here indefinitely, but her mouth won’t move, and there’s a funny taste in the back of her throat.
Wade is patient while she fidgets, watching her like she’s about to crush him. Little does he know she’s the one in danger of crumbling.
She pulls his shirt tighter around her, seeking comfort from tokens of the man right in front of her that she’s suddenly too afraid to touch. Last time she thought about telling him, she put it off, wanting to be fully clothed for a conversation so important. Maybe it’s fitting that she’s half-naked before stripping away the last emotional barrier between them.
“Whatever it is, we can figure it out,” he tries, when her silence stretches on.
“There’s nothing to figure out. It’s already done. Can’t be changed.” Her skin prickles hot and that funny taste only gets worse, making her cringe.
He’ll understand.
It happened forever ago.
He has a right to know before they make any permanent plans.
