“I think I need to lie down for a while. Will you stay with me?” Her request is small and timid. He can’t agree fast enough.
It’s only mid-day but they’re both wrecked. The adrenaline is fading, leaving them stuck in a weird limbo before the eventual crash. She takes the lead toward the bed, encouraging him to slip under the covers with her. When she turns her back to him, his heart drops until she follows up with a tentative request.
“Hold me?”
Oh. He can do that. He hums out an agreement and lets her tug his arm around her waist until he’s molded to her from behind. It’s easier for him this way and he wishes it wasn’t. He should be so far beyond that by now, but he tries to focus on the fact that he’s here at all. That has to be a victory in itself.
A delicate sigh of relief slips from her lungs when her curves slot into place against him.
“I only want you right here,” she half whispers, as if that makes sense. She’s jumping into the middle of a conversation without telling him the beginning. “I’m so sorry about before, I shouldn’t have left like that.”
“We’re okay now.”
“Are we?”
“Mhmm. Always gonna be.”
Her hair tickles his face and he can’t help but breathe her in, nuzzling his nose against the back of her neck. Her shiver sends a jolt of desire south and there’s no chance she can’t feel him hardening against her ass. Fear of losing her wars with the need to keep her close, leaving him frustrated and confused. The telltale remnants of tears on her cheeks tell him he needs to get it together or risk offending her in a way they can’t come back from.
“I can move,” he offers.
“Do you want to move?”
“No.”
“Then don’t,” she answers, stunning him to his core.
She guides his hand under her shirt until his fingers brush the underside of a soft breast in a suggestion that leaves the rest up to him. He’s too busy having a heart attack to follow through.
Her skin is soft and supple, tempting him with what he’s only dreamed of. He lets his thumb caress the gentle swell of her, prepared with an apology she never asks for.
“We can,” she whispers. “If you want to, we can.”
If he wants to, she says, as if he’s wanted anything else for as long as he can remember. He could never be bold enough to initiate this himself. Not before he was taken and certainly not after, but he isn’t afraid either. Not like he thought he might be.
Kara is the only one he trusts enough to be this vulnerable, yet there is a barrier between them he can’t cross. Not yet. Not when he isn’t sure how his body might react to that kind of contact, or when he knows he can’t accept this comfort from her when it means far too much.
“I could never do that to you,” he replies sadly. “To us. Not like this. You deserve more.”
He needs her so badly it’s become a flame that threatens to burn him whole. He’s gotten used to ignoring it for the most part, but that’s impossible now. He wants to get lost in her untilhe’s forgotten every trauma, and the only thought in his head is how much he loves her. Wants to take away every doubt she may have until she can feel nothing but him.
Later, he may regret passing up what could be his only chance to be with her. Right now, all he can do is hope she won’t take it as a rejection. He’s afraid to move until she turns in his arms a moment later, doing the work for him. She hides her face in his chest and pushes a leg between his knees, burrowing into him.
“It feels like there isn’t much of me left,” she says, on a hitching, half-sob. “I only feel okay when I’m with you.”
She’s voicing his own thoughts while seeking solace in his arms.
This isn’t how he thought either of them would express even a hint of any hidden feelings. They’re both crying, and they haven’t even kissed yet. There’s no road map on how to move forward from here. He only hopes that he hasn’t ruined what they’ve built.
Chapter 17
Exhaustion must have lulled her to sleep. Her head is pillowed on Wade’s chest as afternoon light streams through the curtains, telling her it’s only been a few hours.
In all the times she imagined them together, whenever she allowed herself that indulgence, she never pictured throwing herself at him and being rejected. Mostly because she never assumed she could be brave enough to get that far.
“Hey, you good?” he asks gently.
Kara has to face the consequences of her actions and do her best to pick up the pieces. What must he think of her now? When she tilts her head to find his face, she’s shocked by the worry there. All those lines etched into his skin are twice as deep, and the most tentative frown tugs at his lips.
