He grows quiet, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. “I think about what we’re gonna see out here. Who we could meet. Where we’ll go. Think about some of those spots I’ve seen on TV a long time ago, wondering if we’ll pass ‘em. About the things on your list and the things I want to add to mine. I need to focus on the good stuff, or all the bad will creep right back in and I’ll never rest.”
He’s more soft-spoken now than ever, with an embarrassed touch to his voice as if he’s said something telling. She’s certain no one else has ever thought ofherto help them fall asleep. He wrapped it around the guise of adventure, but the way he can’t meet her eyes just yet tells her it’s less about the scenery and more about the two of them in it.
It’s even more remarkable because all she ever thinks about before she sleeps ishim.
“Me too,” she says carefully, owing him that truth after he’d given her his. “I think about us out here, too, right before I fall asleep. Every time.”
“You don’t have to say—”
“I’m not just saying that. I swear it. And before I found you again, I still used to think of the same damn thing. How we would finally make up for all the time we lost.”
The gentle dip of his head is light and calm, the most beautiful sight as he holds her stare for a long moment, threatening to steal her breath with the intensity of it.
“So, have you thought of anywhere else to put on that list?” she continues. “You just said you’d been thinking about places.”
“Yeah, I have. The San Juan Mountains.”
Her face lights up. “Okay! Let’s go there and hike a mountain.”
“Yeah?”
“Hell yes. Where is that?”
“Lower Colorado.”
“I’m in.”
He grins in agreement and she flops backward, staring up at newly twinkling stars, pleased when he mimics her pose.
“I think it’s your turn,” she tells him. “Still have questions?”
“Yeah, but I think I’ll save them for later. We have plenty of time now.”
She rolls her head to the side, surprised at how open and vulnerable he is. She wants to tuck herself under his arm and against his chest, breathing him in until they both drift off under the stars.
Aside from the fact that sleeping without protection is dangerous, she certainly can’t give in to that particular desire when they’re both so raw. She holds her hand up betweenthem instead until he reaches out to take it, lacing their fingers together.
It’s going to take a little getting used to before she accepts that they aren’t racing a clock anymore. They do have time, and the man beside her is someone she gets to keep.
Chapter 26
Wade has a plan.
He came up with it sometime between being stuck in that closet and sitting in the wheat field. It’s not well thought out, maybe not even smart, but it’s all he’s got at the moment.
He’s going to see just how far he’s able to go before Kara lets him know he’s about to cross a line.
Even thinking about it now has him jittery. He could ruin everything they worked so hard to build. That’s why he’s careful to only take the smallest of steps. Nothing overt yet, nothing that he can’t claim was completely innocent.
Holding her hand while she’s behind him on the bike was one of the first gestures. She likes curling around him, pushing right up against his back and laying her palms on his chest. It’s simple to reach up and hold her there. She hasn’t pulled away once.
Lifting his arm for her to tuck under when she’s cold is another effort that seems acceptable. She even did that nose crinkle he loves so much the last time and damn if it isn’t the best feeling to have her nestled right into his side, where she belongs.
The hip tap near the bike was intentional, and he agonized over it. He’s never purposely touched her there, but he forced himself to give her the lightest tap on one of those beautiful hips that he longs to touch for real. Her reaction, ornon-reaction, has given him a mental boost.
She did tell him already that he could touch her however and wherever he wanted. He’s been far more careful about that, though, after realizing that he wants to touch her for reasons that don’t include his recovery.
He used to be so fucking good at this sort of thing. Now, he wonders if he’ll ever truly feel like himself again, or if he’s destined to be some sort of hybrid model. All he knows for sure is that his courting skills are more than rusty, but Operation Woo Kara has officially begun, and she hasn’t shut him down yet.
