I lift my eyebrows and nod. She’s absolutely right. Much to my dismay, her smile is slipping already.
“And now I’m gossiping. That’s not cool,” she says more to herself than me.
“You think they haven’t gossiped about you or me? I know for a fact Hassan and Toby from your team have a sweepstake on which of the queer men in the office I’ll end up with as a rebound shag.”
“You don’t strike me as the rebound shag kind of guy,” she says, giving me a knowing look.
“I’m not, actually. I only really do relationships and after Markus, I’m really not ready to jump into another one anytime soon. So, it’s time for me to be Celibate Cyril for a while.”
Mina snorts but it’s not unkind. “I suppose that means I’m Celibate Celine.” She then holds up her glass. “I’ll drink to that.”
I raise my drink to chime against hers and I’m delighting in the returning rare curl to her lips when it fades again.
“I really do feel bad for gossiping about Faith and Hassan,” she says. “You won’t tell anyone, will you?”
“I can keep a secret.” I pretend to zip up my lips.
“It’s really two-faced of me, you know. To be gossiping about other people when that’s the very reason I don’t want to socialise with anyone at work.”
“That’s the reason?” I say, genuinely bemused. “I just assumed you were too cool for us.”
“Well, that too,” she says with a nonchalant shrug but it doesn’t quite match her downcast eyes.
“You know I don’t really understand it. You’re interesting, you’re easy to talk to once you get started and you’re kind of hilarious. Why don’t you make more of an effort with people at work?”You also have lips that taste as sweet as honey, I want to add, but I don’t. I’m starting to think I imagined how sugary and plump her lips were from our very impromptu and very awkward kiss.
Mina flinches for the quickest moment before she answers and I don’t miss how her shoulders sag once she starts talking.
“Honestly? I don’t know anymore. In the beginning I just genuinely didn’t feel the need. I was there to work. I already had friends. I didn’t need to make new ones. And then there was the migraine thing. I decided early on that I didn’t want anyone to know about it, because believe me, it’s hard enough proving yourself when you’re brown and a woman who looks like me. I didn’t want anyone to ever hold my migraine disease, which is a neurobiological disorder I can't control or cure, against me, and maybe you don’t understand why I would think that someone could, but you have to believe me that people would, and do.”
“I do believe you,” I say and it’s not because I’ve thought about this long and hard as she reveals this information. Rather it’s because of the way her voice is strained and her eyebrows pull together under her heavy fringe. I believe her because of her conviction.
“And you can’t really get to know me and not know about my migraine disease,” she continues. “It's just part of my life, whether I like it or not. I can’t extricate myself from it, it's part of me and trust me, not everyone understands what it’s like to live with a chronic condition.”
“I can imagine,” I say, and this time I’m saying it because of how little I realise I know about migraine disease and other chronic illnesses. Not having anything like this, I’ve never had to think about them. It’s my naivety and ignorance that makes me agree with what Mina’s saying.
“I think I sort of made a bed for myself then. I know I was the miserable cow in the corner who barely spoke to anyone, but I told myself I didn’t really care. It seemed too much like hard work to shake off that reputation, and I certainly didn’t want to do it once I got my promotion, which also makes no sense in many ways. Like, you’d think I’d relax a bit once I got the director role. But no, I still felt like I had everything to prove, and I wasn’t going to do that by being everyone’s best friend, like you.”
“I’m hardly everyone’s best friend—” I begin.
“Everyone loves you, Charlie,” Mina says, her big eyes gazing up at me, almostintome. “And everyone hates me.”
“That’s not true,” I counter but my voice sounds weak.
She pouts. “I don’t care, really, I don’t. And the thing is when you blend into the shadows because everyone ignores you, you start to hear and see people behaving in even more ways that make you wary of them, or not really want to hang out with them.”
I open my mouth and blink. “Is that… Is that how you feel about me?”
Mina narrows her eyes and waits a moment before replying, “No, actually. I still maintain that you’re annoyingly cheerful but you’ve never been mean or rude to anyone.”
“Apart from you, in the meeting yesterday.”
She waves her hand in front of her face. “That wasn’t being mean. You were just being assertive, as was I. And speaking of that meeting, maybe we could talk about some ideas for the Status pitch?” She pushes her drink further away on the table and leans her elbows on the table.
“Oh, God, no.” I groan. “No way. We’re not talking shop now.”
“But it would help us get a head start.”
I hold my hands up. “No! Nope,nee, nein, non. Not going to happen. Not when there’s a free bar and I believe any minute now the music will be turned up a decibel or two.”
