“Hi,” she says.
“Hey,” I say and the smile on my face shrinks.
“You look like you were having a good time out there,” she says.
I shrug and look back at my hands as I wash off the bubbles.
“I hope it wasn’t for my benefit,” Hannah adds and that snaps my attention back to her.
“Is that what you think?” I cock an eyebrow at her.
She steps further into the room, still looking at me in the mirror’s reflection. “Honestly, I don’t know what to think. He’s literally the last person I expected to see you with.”
“And I didn’t expect you to be living with someone else less than a month after we broke up. I guess life really is full of surprises.”
“I believe we were living together within a month or two.”
“But we’d known each other for years and years,” I say, not entirely sure why I’m arguing with her about this.
“Well, if it makes you feel better, I have known Sally a year or two, through Rochelle,” Hannah explains referring to one of her teammates.
It doesn’t make me feel better, but it doesn’t make me feel worse either. In fact, it makes me feel nothing at all.
The sigh that lurches out of my body sounds heavy but it’s really not. It actually makes me feel lighter as I say what I surprisingly genuinely want to say.
“Honestly, Hannah, I’m happy for you. I’m happy you’re happy. I know our relationship was pretty crap at times, but I never wanted you to suffer or be miserable or lonely.”
Hannah’s shoulders fall back before she steps closer so that it’s easier to turn and look her in the eyes rather than in the mirror.
“And I feel the same way about you, Meen’. I’m sorry I was a shitty girlfriend at the end.”
“Me too, I’m sorry too.” Another deep exhale leaves my body, making me feel lighter still.
“And I’m happy for you too, with that Charlie bloke. I mean, anybody who can do those silly Strictly dances you like and makes you laugh as much as he does, well, you deserve someone like that.”
Oh, she noticed that too? It’s not just my imagination?
This would be a great moment to tell her the truth, to come clean about my deal with Charlie. Hell, I could even do it to assert my independence, to prove to Hannah and myself that I don’t need to be dating already to be moving on from our relationship, to prove that I don’t need a new partner to feel my worth or have a full life.
And isn’t this the same thing I was stubbornly clinging to earlier when I was all angry about how much I missed the intimacy of a relationship? Isn’t this the same notion that I was telling myself in an indignant voice, and using it to try and push Charlie away, to get angry with him for not giving me the opportunity to come clean to Hannah about him and I only being work colleagues.
But I don’t want to come clean to Hannah anymore.
Because I know I don’tneeda partner, but what if Iwantone? At least for a night or two. What if I want Charlie?
Chapter Sixteen
Stop Draggin’ Around
Charlie
When Mina returns from the Ladies, I can tell something’s changed. She walks with more purpose, her arms loose by her sides and her chin tilted upwards. Her eyes are poised on the path she carves out for herself, and as if they sense this, people melt out of her way. Her hair bobs on her shoulders and as our eyes meet, a smile grows.
What if that smile was for me? What if she is happy to see me? What if I could make her smile for more than just tonight?
No, Charlie, no,I berate myself.That’s not what’s happening. You’re not helping Mina get over Hannah so that you can get under her. Or on top of her. Or heck, beside her with one of her legs hooked under your arm.
Tonight is about making Mina smile, making her laugh, making her happy. And as her smile grows on her approach, I feel more confident than ever that I’ve achieved it.
