“Just give me a minute,” I say, squinting my eyes closed as the pain of my ever-present headache intensifies behind my left eye, the pulsing pressure thrumming to the rhythm of my fast-beating heart. “I just need a breather and then I can start again.”
“No,” he says, so very gently.
I lift my eyes. “What?”
“No, I don’t want you to do that.”
I’m speechless so I just blink at him.
“I want you to let me fuck you for once,” he says, his voice still so careful and soft.
“You are fucking me,” I point out.
“No, Mina. You were fucking me then. And it was wonderful, divine, heavenly. But now.” His hand leaves my neck and travels over my shoulder and down the front of my body, between my breasts and over my navel, until he finds my clit and he presses his thumb there so lightly and tenderly, it’s barely a touch at all but it’s more than enough to send a jolt of pleasure through me. “Now I’d like to fuck you. Please.”
I stare at him as I consider my answer. Part of me screams no. Part of me wants to climb off him and finish myself off with his fingers like I did last night. Part of me wants to tell him that it’s like this with me or not at all.
But another part of me released a deep, heavy exhale upon hearing his request. Part of me wants to surrender. Part of me wants to let go. Of what, I don’t exactly know, but I know part of me wants to just let go, even if I don’t exactly know how to.
With only a fleeting second of eye contact, and without lifting my head fully, I nod.
“I’m going to need a verbal confirmation again,” Charlie says.
“Yes, Charlie,” I say and I hear it in my voice. The surrender. The resignation.
Charlie pushes up on his hands so he’s sitting up and his face is close to mine. “I promise I’ll fuck you so good, Mina. It will be worth it.”
I open my mouth to ask what he means, but I know. He knows it’s hard for me to let go and he wants me to know that he understands. This should go a long way to reassure me, but it only adds to the unease I’m feeling.
“Well, hurry up then,” I say snappily and I study Charlie for his reaction, waiting for his tenderness to disappear, but it doesn’t. Instead, he cups the back of my head and brings my lips to his.
And he keeps kissing me as he rolls us over and lies down gently on top of me. He continues to kiss me as he grabs a pillow and props it under my head. He keeps on kissing me as he starts to move inside me, sliding slowly and oh so deeply inside me.
My legs come up to wrap around him and I’m surprised when that small act makes him moan into my mouth before starting to thrust a little harder, his strokes still deliciously deep.
“Mina,” he lifts his mouth to say, “touch your clit if you need to.”
I shake my head because I don’t need to, his pelvis is pressing against me at just the right angle and the pressure in my skull has eased and that thread I lost earlier is now firmly in my grip again. And I’m pulling on it, bringing my orgasm closer and closer as Charlie continues to rut into me with hard, certain strokes that have such a steady predictable rhythm I can feel when he glides over certain places inside me, making my body melt and tingle in the same heartbeat. I am also vividly aware of Charlie’s laboured breathing and his warm exhales on the side of my face. I find myself listening for his short grunts and groans as he continues to fuck me steadily and so very intentionally.
And his intent is unravelling me, making me feel like I could fall apart in a few seconds. That I could unravel right here and right now.
“Is this okay?” he asks after a short while. “You’ve gone very quiet.”
“I’m okay, Charlie,” I tell him.
“Is it good?”
I go to tell him just how good it is, but I realise hot wet tears are hiding behind my eyes and it feels like speaking will tempt them out.
Why the fuck do I want to cry?
“Mina.” He lifts up on his elbows so he can look at me.
“Don’t look at me, Charlie,” I say, bringing my hands up to cover my face.
“But I want to,” he says with a short laugh.
“I don’t… I don’t know what’s happening to me, I—” I try to explain because I feel the moisture all around my eyes now, I see my vision blur.
