I’m not embarrassed as such, but still I’m very aware that what I just did was… something.
“Yeah, I’m grand,” I say and I sit on the bed.
“You really did do very well,” they say and I hold my hands up.
“Don’t… no moregood girls.It’ll make me cringe now. Now that the moment has passed.”
Loncey chuckles lightly and looks down at the sheets over their legs.
“Okay, got it,” they say. “No moregood girls.”
“But,” I say quickly. “Thank you. For saying it… when I needed it.”
They lick their lips and nod their head. “Of course, Maeve. Did it help Do you feel beter now?”
“Yeah,” I say and I reach for my phone. “Shit, it’s really late. We should get some sleep.”
They nod again, but this time it’s just one firm movement. “Actually, Maeve, I have a favour to ask of you myself now.”
I freeze. “You know, if it’s to ask me to return the favour, you know I don’t think I can—”
“No, it’s not that.” They shift a little. “I was going to ask you if I could hug you, hold you.”
“Hold me?”
“Yes, after I do a scene with someone, I like to offer aftercare or I like to sort of end the moment with a hug.”
Swallowing is suddenly difficult. “Okay,” I hear myself say.
“It’s okay with you?”
“Yeah,” I say, quietly.
They move slowly, as if to give me long seconds of opportunity to stop them, but I don’t. I watch as they get out of bed and stand. I hate how I notice the outline of their dick in their boxer shorts, but I don’t let my eyes linger, and when they look up to their face, I am surprised by what I see.
They’re smiling and looking down at me, this cute little half-smile lifting their lips in one corner.
“Come here,” they say as they open their arms.
And I do. I stand and I take the small step into their embrace. Their arms wrap around me so slowly, so lightly, so tentatively that it’s almost frustrating. I want to feel their hold on me.
I pull back. “If you’re going to hug me, do it properly, for feck’s sake.”
They flash me a quick smile and I take in how the single bedside light makes their brown skin glow, rich and warm, and it makes the mahogany shade of their eyes darken, yes, but also light up with golden tones.
They are beautiful. They are beautiful to look at. And I’m starting to think they might be a beautiful human inside too.
So yes, I want to be held by this possibly beautiful human, even if it’s just for a few seconds.
As it happens, it’s not just a few seconds. Once their arms envelop me with something like intention, I let my body relax against their naked chest. Their hands are firm against my back, fingers spread and strong, and they don’t loosen their grip. AndI don’t push back against it. If anything I melt further into their warm skin, their firm body, and it doesn’t take long for the rhythm of our breaths to find and match each other. We inhale together, we exhale together. Our chests rise and fall in sync and I don’t know about Loncey, but I close my eyes and don’t even think about moving.
Seconds turn into minutes, and the minutes seem to stretch and transform, taking up space in the room and making me finally, finally have some sort of understanding that time and space are connected.
In the end, I don’t know how long we stay like that and I don’t know when we start to sway together, like we’re dancing to music only we can hear but as we move, Loncey’s hands begin to move, stroking my back through the silk of my pyjamas. And then my fingers move too, tracing little circles against the firm skin of their lower back.
“I don’t want to move,” Loncey tells me.
“Me neither,” I say.
