“Of course, honey, but listen, I’ve got this under control.”
“But wait… don’t you have to work? Isn’t there… aren’t you on call?” My words are as scrambled as my mind and I put my finger in my other ear so I can hear my mother better over the noise in the background.
“Not today. I’m allowed a day off here and there too, you know?” Mom says with a teasing lift in her voice. How is she so calm? How is she so okay with what’s happening?
“Where’s Jessica now?”
“Asleep. She’s hooked up to an IV and they just did a good twenty minutes of the vest so it’s already a lot better.”
But she’s still unwell enough to be in hospital. She’s still sick and I’m not there.
“I can be there in thirty minutes,” I say, which is possibly optimistic with rush hour traffic imminent, but where there’s a will there’s a way.
“You’re not listening to me, my child,” Mom says, aggravatingly slowly. “I’m only calling to let you know. We don’t need you here. We want you there.”
I look around me and see an endless row of makeshift cubicles with all sorts of devices and products on display. Each booth is occupied by at least a few people in various stages of undress. There is flesh as far as my eyes can see and it suddenly does absolutely nothing for me. No, that’s not the truth. It appalls me in a way I’m not proud of. I’m so blinded by the sharp contrast between the work I do and what Jessica is currently experiencing that I feel dizzy, off-kilter.
“I should be there,” I say, more to myself than my mother.
“Better you’re there tomorrow when Jessica is resting at home and you’ve not had to cut short your work commitments.”
I snort at her description of what I’m doing, standing in what is little more than a crowded, undercover parking lot, having just manhandled a self-lubricating sex toy.
“Lawrence, did you hear me?”
“Yeah, Mom. I’m sorry, just worried about Jess. I thought she was having a good run. She seemed so much better with Taylor and Prince. Shit, I was hoping it would mean less hospital visits and—”
“Oh, baby, I know but we also know what we’re dealing with here. Some things are just unavoidable.”
I know what she’s saying. Jessica will never be normal. Jessica will always be sick. Jessica will always be coming and going from hospitals. Overall, Jessica is not going to get better, only worse.
And I fucking hate it.
I take my hand away from my ear and ball my fist at my side.
“Just promise to call me if she gets worse. Or if you need any help at all.”
“I promise,” Mom says. “I’ll let you know when we’re home, honey.”
“Please,” I say and then I say goodbye.
I stare at my phone for a long moment after the call disconnects. I still feel torn. I still feel like I’m in the wrong place. I still feel like I’m supposed to be somewhere else, and maybe not even with Jessica. Maybe I’m supposed to besomeoneelse. Maybe this life I’ve built for myself is not what I really want.
Or maybe I’m just tired and hungry.
And in desperate need of a workout and an orgasm. Although I doubt either is going to be feasible for a while, even though all I have to do is close my eyes and recall what happened last night and I’m instantly half-hard.
Yes, I’ve been thinking about the noises Maeve made in the dark last night as she touched herself, but more than that, so much more than that I’ve been thinking about how she felt inmy arms as we hugged afterward. Warm, and slight but also so strong. She didn’t feel fragile, she felt alive and real and made up of the most formidable kind of stardust.
“Hey! There you are!” A warm voice floods my ears. I look up and see Maeve’s beaming smile and her golden blonde hair framing her face.
“Hey,” I say, and I think I’m smiling. I’m trying at least.
But her face falls and her grin melts away. “What’s wrong?” she asks, inching closer. “You look like shite.”
I laugh at that. I have to.
“Yeah, I just got a phone call from my mom. My sister’s in the hospital.”
