“I didn’t know we were in competition,” I say, smiling despite myself. Jake has always had that effect on me. “Will you pass onmy love to your world-famous DJ? And tell me when I’m likely to see you next considering you’re about to fly to the other side of the world.”
“We’re back in Europe in the spring and we have dates at the end of May for Dublin and London. Any chance we could get you VIP tickets? You and your ethical porn star?”
“Jesus Christ, Jake. Give it a rest. Loncey is much more than their job.”
“You tell him.” Jenna nudges me back but it’s full of encouragement.
“But what about when Jenna pops?” I ask.
“Which could easily happen immediately after lunch if you could see the feast Marty and Cynthia are working on.” Jenna leans over to appear in the video call.
“Please don’t. I have drinks at Arabella’s later.”
“I promise I won’t give birth today. At least not to anything other than a food baby.”
“Anyway, Jake, aren’t you going to be here when the baby is born in March?” I ask.
“I’ll be there. One way or another. Even if I have to leave Rami to fend for himself. Did you know he received his first pair of underwear last week? Ladies’ knickers. Size 16. Worn. And with a small hole in the crotch.”
“For God’s sake Jake, that sounds like you inspected them very thoroughly.” Jenna shakes her head.
“I need to know what I’m up against. I almost wrapped up a pair of my used boxers for Christmas but then realised Dad and Carol may not appreciate that.”
Jenna and I laugh.
“Ah, I miss you Jake.”
“Me too, Jakey.” Jenna agrees.
“Just be grateful I’m not there and quizzing you for all the details about your ethical porn star.” Jake wags his finger at the camera.
“I swear to God, Jake, if you call them that to their face!”
“Of course I won’t. I will likely be shocked into silence what with me knowing what their penis looks like.”
“For feck’s sake, I don’t even know what their penis looks like!” I hiss, remembering Ma and Da are only in the room next door.
“And that’s okay.” Jenna places a hand on my leg. “You and Loncey have much more of a connection than they will ever have with any of their subscribers.”
“Are you,” Jake pipes up, “are you bothered by the work that they do?”
I think about this for a few seconds before answering, although it’s not the first time I’ve asked myself this question. I suppose that’s why my voice is calm and controlled as I reply. “Honestly, no. I don’t know if it’s because I’m asexual or because Loncey is very clear about how separate their work is from their personal life, or both, but I don’t feel anything close to jealousy about what they do. Sometimes I feel curious. Sometimes I feel a bit horrified. But most of the time I sort of forget that they’re, you know—”
“A porn star!” Jake finishes for me.
“Anethicalporn star,” I clarify again, lifting my eyes to double-check again that Dad hasn’t returned to the room, and that I can still hear Marty and Ma in the kitchen.
“You know,” Jenna says. “I’m thinking of pitching an article about ethical porn.”
“You should interview them.” I turn to her. “They’d be happy to help.”
“Really? I’d love that but I didn’t want to overstep,” Jenna says.
I pout at her. “I think you already did that when you were a subscriber who used to watch videos of them shagging.”
“I swear we unsubscribed the minute you said you were friends with them,” Jenna holds her hands up.
“Well, if Jenna and Marty have seen their videos, maybe Rami and I should too, just to be even.”
