Mom nods to Taylor and Jessica curled up together on the sofa. “Jessica has me, and Taylor. And Prince. You don’t always have to stay so close.”
“Mom, Iwantto stay close.”
Mom reaches for my hand again and once it’s in her grasp, she squeezes it so hard it almost hurts. “We want that too, but I also want you to fly. And not just literally on a plane to Ireland but also in life. I want you to fly high, to soar to the stars. I want you to go all the places you want to go and do all the things you want to do. I want you to live a fun and happy life.”
“Mom, I literally have sex for a living. What could be more fun than that? What is it possibly missing?” I offer up a forced laugh but it sounds pathetically weak.
“You don’t want me to answer that, do you?”
The question hangs in the air between us, taking up all the space and air in the room.
“I haven’t… I haven’t been invited,” I say quietly. “Whenever we talk about seeing each other again, Maeve says she’ll come here but she can’t for a few more weeks because she has work in Dublin and then she’s scared to leave when her brother’s baby is due.”
“Which is when?”
“In like a month or so, I think.”
“That’s exciting.” Mom smiles and I mirror it when I think about all the clothes and cuddly toys Maeve has bought for her niece.
“Yeah, it is, which is why I don’t want to take her away from it. And why I probably shouldn’t be there when all that is going on.”
“But Maeve isn’t spending every single minute of every single day waiting for this baby. She has a job, and a life. I’m sure you could carve out time for each other. Or you could simply be with her as she waits.” Mom is making it all sound so annoyingly easy and yet it doesn’t translate to me.
“But she hasn’t invited me, Mom. And Maeve is not the kind of person who is shy about what they want.”
“So what are you saying?”
I breathe in, and out again, and allow myself to feel the full weight of the uncertainty that has been nibbling away at the corners of my mind.
“What if she’s changed her mind? What if she doesn’t want to try to work this out anymore? What if it’s all too difficult? What if I’m an idiot for wanting to try?”
“There are a lot of big questions there. And some of them you won’t be able to answer without talking to Maeve.”
“We talk all day, every day.”
“Face to face.”
A cacophony of harsh coughing has Mom and I both turning our heads toward the living room and Jessica. She’s sitting up and Taylor is rubbing her back and talking to her as the coughing slowly eases.
Mom says softly after we see Jessica eventually recover. “If Maeve is what you want, you should go for it.”
“But long-term…” I fall into one of the many doubts that haunt me and I swim in it for a while. “She lives in Ireland. I live here.”
“But that could change,” Mom says and I know from those lifted eyebrows and that knowing pout of her mouth exactly what she’s suggesting.
“No way,” I say. “There’s no way I’m leaving the States. There’s no way I’m leaving Vegas.”
“You say that now,” Mom says. “But regardless, maybe she’ll move for you.”
“I don’t think so,” I scoff. “Her brother is about to have a baby and she’s a Cancer sun, Mom. You know how loyal they are to family and loved ones.”
“Hmm,” Mom mumbles. “But these are steps further down the line. The first step is going to see her, as soon as you can.”
My tension headache claws its way across my forehead.
“If I say I’ll suggest it to her, will you drop this?”
“I’ll certainly give you time and space to have that conversation.” Mom holds her hands up, then catches a glance at her watch. “And lucky for you, I have to go to a new client meeting. Twins! It’s been ages since I helped bring twins into the world.”
