I say out loud. I don’t know much about this person, but I think I already know that.
I find myself typing and sending without even thinking about it.
That question finally stops my fingers moving of their own accord. What the fuck am I doing baring my soul like this? I don’t want to answer their question but I also don’t want to stop this conversation.
I deflect.
They add a laughing emoji.
I read that message a number of times.
They reply but the laughing emoji is back.
I chew on my lip as I type out my response.
I start typing a new message, asking them if that’s why they do the work they do, the porn, the online sex work, because I know enough to know it can pay well. But I delete the first few words and instead type out a different sentence.
Their response is quick.
I consider adding that I donate every year to a CF charity in Ireland because the memories of her having to disappear twice a day and sit in the school nurse’s office with her weighted vest on have never left me, but I am just as quick to tell myself that’s a stupid fucking egotistical idea.
